I’ve only ever had one serious boyfriend and that was when I was 18-21. He was mentally, physically, and sexually abusive. He cheated on me and gave me herpes, too.
Prior to that, I was emotionally abused by my coach from 13-18. He was like a father to me, but some of the things he did/said to me were awful. He groomed me. During the same time frame, my high school teacher expressed sexual interest in me. To this day (23) he still does and we still talk. We’re friends now, but I’m not dumb. I know he still wants to have sex with me.
There was one other guy. He was incredible. We had a summer fling and I started falling in love with him. After the summer was over we still talked. Finally, 2 months after, I told him I had feelings for him and he basically told me I need to figure out what I want and don’t want aka go date other people. I was crushed. We still talk off and on and are still attracted to each other, but I don’t think he has feelings for me which hurts.
Other than that I’m in graduate school, I was a college athlete, I’m in shape. I’m not unattractive and I’m smart. But guys just don’t like me. I’ve been on other dates with guys from dating apps but I never really click with the guys.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just want to be in a relationship like a normal person. I feel like such a fuck up. All my friends are dating someone or engaged and here I am single as hell. It’s like whenever anyone asks if I’m dating someone they give me a pity look when I say no. It hurts.
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