I’m relatively new to (actively) dating, and very new to online dating, and some of my experiences have me wondering if I’m just not cut out for dating in my generation (23F). I’ve never been a social media person, and I use texting almost strictly for logistical purposes. If I want to talk to someone, I will call them or set up a time to meet in person.
Partly this is because I find texting frivolous and a notoriously bad way to get to know someone. OLD has only cemented this for me. There’s no facial expressions, vocal intonation, or real chemistry over text. I’ve also found it creates a false sense of intimacy.
The other part is that I’m a very focused person. I don’t do well with multi-tasking, and I prefer to focus on one task at a time with no distractions, whether the task is writing a paper, doing something for work, reading, exercising, or just watching TV/playing video games. I want to be focused on the task at hand, and I can’t do that when I keep getting interrupted by my phone. What seems like a ten second effort then derails my concentration and the next thing I know I’ve lost two hours of my life.
I recognize that texting is an unfortunate reality of OLD and have put up with it on the apps, but I’ve found that guys are either put off by my long response times from the beginning, or perhaps worse once a date is scheduled and I give them my number, they start pestering me with these inane “good morning,” “how’s your day,” “good night” texts that add little to nothing to my life and do not make me feel closer to the person. Like, I’m having dinner with you on Friday, why can’t we have an actual conversation then? What will we have to talk about if we’ve already communicated every mundane detail of our lives to each other before the date?
I’ve tried to communicate very clearly my frustration with this communication style in my profiles, and in conversations on the app. But even when guys seem to agree with me about texting they still attempt to do this. Am I doomed to a life alone? Am I doing something wrong? Any insight is appreciated, including attempts to explain this behavior, but please don’t try to change my mind about texting.
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