I'm 23 if it matters.
So over a year ago I was getting to know a girl and was really bad at texting. It was a mixture of being scared but also being aloof. I'd already been intimate with this girl and she said how much she'd like me previously, but ended up backing away - saying she always had to initiate texting with me, and that I made her feel unwanted.
So since then I've made more of an effort to putting something into making the girl feel wanted. Y'know, messaging them every 2/3 days at least. But it's weird, because I've started to notice that the girls I'm meant to have a romantic spark with notably hang back. Since last year:
Girl 1 - we got talking one day. She admitted she thought I wouldn't message her and she thought I was very cute. We had good conversations for a few days, but then they tailed off. She'd give me the old "sorry for the late reply" messages for 3 days out of 4 at one point, so I stopped reaching out and we didn't speak again.
Girl 2 - girl I met abroad. At first she was very upbeat and happy. Once I was home she said she liked me, sent me good morning and goodnight messages even when I was already asleep myself, and said she wanted to meet up with me again a lot. Then her replies were mixed and more robotic for a couple of days, so I didn't reach out to give her space. Haven't heard from her since.
Girl 3 - a girl I really hit it off with. We flirted a lot and she said I was "so handsome". We got on well, and she hinted at being my girlfriend. One day she left me on read when I asked how her day was. Again I thought there was a reason so I let her reach out. Again, I haven't heard from her for a month now.
Girl 4 - most recent girl I'm still talking to. Met at a gaming event and got on really well. She then liked my photos on Facebook. I wondered if that was a hint but she didn't message me over it. After a couple of days I messaged her and we admitted we were attracted to each other. We've had good conversations and she's genuinely interesting too. But I'm feeling insecure again because I've reached out every time. I haven't spoke to her for 2 days and I just feel like I'm going to have to keep this alive again.
All of these situations feel strange, and even more so compared to how easy it is with a friend of mine. As far as I know there's no romantic interest. She did call me cute ages ago, but aside from that she's mostly only ever joked about us being Cupids for each other to help the other get a SO, or talked about her exs.
The thing is with her it's easy. She initiates with me 60% of the time, I initiate the rest. We joke around, have comfortable chats and serious chats. We talk most days and that's that. It feels good that she initiates too, and yet she's the only girl of the ones mentioned in this post that there seems to be no romantic spark involved.
It's weird, because the one girl who I had a romantic connection with that always initiated with me was the girl at the top of my post who told me in the first that I'm awful at texting and it made her feel unwanted. I tried to change my ways to make any future girls feel reassured, and yet now I'm the one who feels wanting from the other side. I just can't tell if these girls are shy and scared (like I was) and like when a guy initiates, or if they're largely happy that I got the hint and stopped talking to them.
So I need to know: am I potentially throwing away some of these connections too easily? Do most girls want the guy to initiate most times, and I shouldn't overanalyse who initiates? Or am I making the right call in backing off? I liked all of these girls but I do like to feel wanted too, so that's why I kind of back off if they become aloof or busy themselves. I'm not sure if I should just continue to message them when I am getting to know them, or if I'm right to not 'waste my time' if somebody isn't reaching out much themselves. Thanks for any advice given.
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