I've been with my bf since I was like 15. He lives in the UK while I live in the U.S. we video call and message daily but I'd much rather be with him in person. I've never had a boyfriend before him, never even had my first kiss. Ive always been pushing for us to visit. I'd visit him if I could but my psychologist recommends I dont travel far because I'm not mentally stable enough.
Since the beginning he has always avoided visiting, and if we got close enough to him actually visiting me he would come up with an excuse as to why he cant visit or just simply tell me he was too nervous. I dont know what to do at this point. I love him to pieces but I desire physical touch so much that it makes me feel sick. Like if someone accidently brushes up against me it makes my whole body flutter. I've expressed this to him many times and he says "we will visit soon".
Right now he says he cant visit because hes moving house. We agreed months ago that he was going to visit in november, and here we are nearly to november and he hasn't bought plane tickets and he refuses to plan and pick a date to fly out here. I dont even mention it anymore because everytime I had in the past he would stress out and it seemed to make him want to visit me even less. Granted I would get a little aggressive, but can you really blame me? It's been 4 and a half years! I wouldnt mind the distance so much if he would actually visit me every once and awhile!!!! I honestly dont know if he will ever visit me or if he is just stringing me along because he doesn't want to be alone.
At this point I dont even feel like we are in a relationship anymore. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and this is just making me so much worse. I dont take showers anymore, i don't eat or drink, I dont brush my hair or teeth and it's rare for me to actually leave my bed.
Everytime I tell him I'm sad he just ignores me and says "I love you" or something to gloss over the problem. I have no one to talk to. I have never been good at making friends so he is literally all i have. And now it's like he isnt even around anymore. He never tells me what hes doing and if any progress is being made. From the very brief things hes told me, him and his family are still looking at houses.
He doesn't even have a job anymore. He says he has enough money to visit but gahhh!! I feel like I'm the only one that's actually in this relationship. I just want things to work out but I dont know what to believe or how to go forward. I havent even gone to college because I dont know what we're doing. I'm going to push myself to go in the spring but we'll see. Were so close to visiting but I fear hes going to push it out more. What do I even do?
God I'm sorry if this makes no sense. I kind of just dumped everything out.
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