Near a year ago it came to my attention that I purposely destroy potential relationships again and again and nearly exactly the same point in the friendship/relationship. Thing is it's not in my control. I call it me "switching" because I could really like them but all of a sudden my brain will switch on me and I don't ever want to see them again or I want to hurt them?!
I started dissecting when this happens, what I'm feeling, and getting to the bottom of it. But it's like a rabbit hole because I'm seeing just how much I'm messed up?
I saw my friends last night.. we were sitting in the car together smoking a bit of weed , three of us just talking and my friend is opening up to me/I'm also seeing her relationship dynamic and I'm starting to get uncomfortable. I'm observing their relationship and everything else and it feel too "intimate" ? And it made me also see how much I really am scared of relationships even though I want one..?
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