also posted in r/relationship_advice but posting here as well to get as much insight as possible.
My (34f) boyfriend (29m) is one of the unlucky people whose employer is reopening its doors thanks to our governor ignoring the dangers of covid 19. He works in an industry where technically he is an independent contractor and files 1099 for taxes. As such, he has not been successful in filing for unemployment benefits in our state, and our governor just recently mandated that his type of business can now open up to the public. While his employer could keep the shop closed, he has decided to open it up and BF is feeling pressured to go back due to financial strain. There will be some security measures in place, such as appointment only, (no walk-ins), and customers and employees must wear masks. This is a service that requires him to be in close physical contact with his clients.
Now for the issue at hand: I am in a high-risk group due to chronic respiratory issues, (Athena, history of pneumonia) and am trying to be as careful as humanly possible, since I’m afraid I would have trouble fighting the virus if I got it. We have been strictly quarantining together in my house. He is currently paying rent at a different house that he lived in before we started quarantining. His lease ends in June at which point we were previously planning on him moving into my house.
A week or two ago, BF asked me how I would feel if he had to go back to work - if I’d want him to go back to his house or if he could stay with me and stay in the guest bedroom. At the time he seemed open to either possibility.
Well, he is going back to work on Friday. I told him we should probably talk about the living situation and he seemed down to talk about it. I have given it a lot of thought since he initially brought it up and it seems like the safest route would be for him to stay at his house at least until his lease is up or until things settle a little bit. ( a big concern I have is the possibility that premature opening of businesses will cause a second spike in infections in our state). I should mention that BF is not technically on the lease at his house and as far as I know his roommates have not found a replacement for BF so really he could do month to month indefinitely.
Anyway I tried to let him know as gently as possible that I was afraid for him to go to work and come home here potentially carrying the virus. His response was “so basically you’re telling me you want me to stay at my house instead of here”. I told him that is not what I wanted, but what I thought was the most responsible option. He instantly shut down and I could tell he was mad. I tried to hug him and tell him I loved him and that I was sorry this situation sucks so much, and he just ignored me. He has been storming around, collecting things to take back to his house and giving me the silent treatment. I told him “let’s talk about this “ and he said “what’s there to talk about?” He told me he thought it was stupid that I didn’t want him to stay here and that it was more dangerous for him to go to the grocery store without gloves than to be at work with a mask and gloves. I reminded him that he’d be in very close quarters with his clients and he said it’s no different that going to a store or gas station ( he will be much closer to clients than strangers at a store). I asked if there was any way for him to guarantee me that he wouldn’t be exposed to or bring home the virus. Obviously the answer to that is no but he seemed to think the PPE measures would be enough. He said it sucks because he’s going to be all alone and he’s mad because the showers at his house don’t get hot enough. I’m going to be lonely too but I’m terrified that I’m going to end up sick if I let him stay here.
I’m bewildered and beside myself that he’s being so short sided and selfish with this. I’ve let him stay here rent free for the last 6 weeks and he’s just mad that I’m considering making him go home. I could literally die if he brings this virus into my home. Are hot showers are more important than not getting your high risk girlfriend sick with a deadly virus?
Reddit, what can I say to him to make him see the big picture on this one? Am I overreacting? Should I buck up and let him keep staying here? If I’m not overreacting, what language can I use to help him empathize with my point of view? Healthcare workers that live with high risk people, do you go home to your people or do you stay elsewhere to keep them safe?
Thank you for reading this far and I SO appreciate any and all advice.
TL;DR : I’m in a high risk group for Covid 19 infection. BF has been quarantining at my house rent-free. He’s going back to a high- risk work environment so he can make money and is mad that I think he should stay elsewhere.
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