I (29F) matched with a guy (29M) on Hinge in mid-March. Since then we have had 5-6 FaceTime dates, a brief social distance walk (45 minutes) and then two weekends ago he came to visit as my state lifted restrictions (currently lives 3 hours away from my city but is moving here in a few weeks for a promotion). At one point he indicated he wasn’t going on virtual dates with anyone else and wasn’t really checking his apps. We’d talked about how we’re kind of past the stage of wanting just hook ups which he brought up first, so it wasn’t just said to agree with me.
His visit a few weeks ago was great, and other than having some “first-time” nerves in the physicality department I thought it was a relatively good weekend. He stayed the night, we just lounged in the morning, and he gave me many kisses and held me before leaving that afternoon. I later texted him saying I had such a good time, apologized for being a little awkward/nervous, and hoped we could hangout again. He said we definitely could, and not to worry about it, I was just fine. Since then the texting was kind of sparse. He always replied within 24 hours, and sometimes randomly texted me, but it felt a little different. After a week I ended up asking if he wanted to FaceTime at some point that weekend, and he apologized saying he was leaving for a hiking trip that weekend and then had another big hiking trip planned for the next weekend (his last weekend in his city before he moves). Part of me totally understands that he’s probably busy, packing, going on these two trips, making the most of his time before moving. But part of me was also like, well if he really liked me wouldn’t he offer up a different time to FaceTime? Maybe during the week before he goes on his next trip? Is this the start to a slow-fade? Would he have even said he was going to be gone that weekend? He works from home and is home a lot, plays video games and reads. Since we matched we haven’t gone a day without at least one message. I could also see that he was online a few times during the weekend. I kind of convinced myself he had “hit it and quit it” and was feeling pretty down. I tried to get my head back in the “dating” mentality, assuming he was going to ghost.
But then he messaged me when he got back, asking about my weekend and showing me a picture of their campsite. I’m just so confused. I know he’s a pretty independent person, and I’m 95% sure he’s not talking to or dating someone else. I’m not expecting to DTR or make things official or anything like that. I also don’t need constant texting or talking. But with a nearly on-line courtship that is very early stages, I feel like I need some sort of indication he is still interested. I’m a pretty verbal person-my love language is words of affirmation, while his is quality time. Which would make sense since our FaceTime and in-person dates seem to go so well. Is it appropriate for me to tell him I need to know if he’s interested?
I don’t want to come across needy or clingy, or insecure. But I also don’t want to be sitting around getting excited about a guy that may be losing interest. I was thinking about saying something along these lines, with the right context of course:
“I don’t get a consistent vibe that you’re still interested. I’m not someone who needs to text all the time or talk constantly and I’m definitely into doing my own thing. I’m not looking to lock someone down after meeting twice and still getting to know them. At the same time idk what you’re looking for and when communication is predominately not in person it’s hard to read someone that way. I don’t want to be into you if the feelings aren’t reciprocated.”
But this seems needy and not very clear. And if he is into me but just caught up with life then I don’t want to scare him into thinking I need some sort of big commitment. Just to know he still wants to get to know me/hang out (and not just for sex). I’m sorry, I’m just kind of in my own headspace about this and would like some help. Thank you.
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