So for a bit of background, Dan (24M) and I met on an app, and we kept seeing each other for 6 more months. He introduced me to his parents and friends, and we went on trips together. He was polyamorous though and I'm monogamous; we knew from the start that we had this difference. It felt, however, like he was always trying to "show me the light" with polyamoury, and I was always hoping he would turn to monogamy. We had a lot of fights, sometimes about smaller things, but mainly over this. He also had other girls he would call, and once he even abruptly hung up on me because this other girl called him, as he had forgotten that they had arranged to call at that time.
At a certain point I simply told Dan that it's best that we don't be intimate anymore, because our dynamic wasn't healthy. He looked disappointed, but then he started acting very confident that I would change my mind; he would say, "Okay well, that's what you're saying now, we'll see how you feel when you come back" (we're in different countries now because of COVID).
Just after I ended things with him, an old friend of mine, let’s call him Adam (25M), recently got in touch with me again. We’ve become a lot closer over the past 2 months, and we’ve agreed to meet up in the city where Dan happens to be in now once we can start travelling again (since I’m a student there and Adam’s best friend is from there too). Adam has expressed a romantic interest in me, and I have for him too. We’ve also mentioned that we’re not talking to anyone else romantically. He knows about Dan, and he knows that I’ve ended things romantically with him.
The thing is, Dan still messages me maybe once every other day to ask me how I am, or to update me on his life. I'm not really making an effort to reply him, there’s nothing much to say anyway. He asked if we could meet once I come back, and I said, as friends, sure why not, but I don’t want there to be any intimacy. Dan, however, has hinted on becoming intimate with me once we meet, saying “Well, let’s see how you feel about this when you come back”. I have told him about Adam, but he seems unfazed.
Excluding the whole polyamory thing that just didn’t work out, Dan and I have been pretty good friends; he’s done a lot for me, and his family too have been nothing but nice to me. We also share a lot of the same interests. I don’t feel anything romantic towards Dan now, he’s just a good friend.
I know if I were Adam, I wouldn’t like it if the girl I was seeing went out for drinks with a very recent fling after saying that she had ended things with him. At the same time, I don’t want to completely cut Dan off because I still consider him my friend. What should I do?
TLDR: Ended things with Dan, who’s polyamorous. Reconnected with an old friend, Adam, whom I’m now interested in, and he’s interested in me. Dan still wants to meet once I’m back in his city (which is also where I’ll be meeting Adam). I say okay to meeting Dan, but only as friends. Dan is still hoping to be more than friends. I have told Adam that I’m not seeing anyone else romantically, and he has said the same to me. Should I cut Dan off or remain friends with him?
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