I think for me online dating is far easier than approaching in person because of how nervous I feel when I approach. This guide is for those who believe they have a shot at online dating, but can’t seem to get matches, dates, sex, or whatever... If you think it’s truly hopeless, I really don’t want to argue with you. To be honest, I used to think I was on the spectrum and sometimes I still do. I am probably above average in looks and height, but below average in just about everything else. For decades I had women constantly ignore me for a shorter, less attractive, but more confident man every single time. I was actually so awkward that a few times women would literally get up without saying anything and just leave. Now I’m in my 40s, not even remotely financially stable, and yet I get 5+ matches a day with women I would actually be interested in seeing and usually get 2 phone numbers a day from our app conversations. Here are my tips?
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Get off of Tinder. I have had moderate to good success on multiple apps, but I have never used Tinder long enough to get a single match. If you live in a large enough city, there will be plenty of alternatives. I have had the most success with Hinge because it forces you to “like” a specific part of their profile and allows you to comment so matches are a little more personal and it’s easy to throw in a compliment. Try apps that fewer people are on and I guarantee you will have a higher chance for success. Also, try multiple apps at once at see which is working better for you. Some algorithms are going to work better for you than others and you can't predict which ones it will be.
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Give the algorithms time to work. On Bumble it took a month of casually logging on and swiping before I started getting a lot of matches. On Hinge it took 2 to 3 weeks.These apps are built around their algorithms that try to match compatible people together. Have some criteria and be lenient. Don't swipe right on every single woman. Don't only swipe right on only the hottest women. You are unlikely to match with anyone online who is better looking than someone who would talk to you in real life - assuming you had the balls to talk to them. I seem to get the most matches in the 24 hours after swiping a bunch of profiles. I think being active puts you in front of more people on the apps. But remember, enough people have to swipe right AND left on your profile so that the algorithm can cycle multiple times before it starts putting your profile in front of the type of people who are actually interested in people like you.
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If your pictures aren't from the past three months, expect to be ghosted. The best thing you can do is date all your photos with the month and year. You can have one photo from the past that shows you doing something awesome but the rest should be from the last 3-6 months at most. You can save yourself, and your potential dates a lot of heartache if you are honest with yourself and figure out what you have to offer and capture it. Matching with someone and both of you have nothing but recent photos gets the sparks flying fast!! Trust me! Instead of putting another old photo of when you looked better than you do now, you should put up your favorite meme instead. You will have more luck that way because that old photo is not helping you at all.
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Ladies. Don’t hide your weight! Online dating might seem like a popularity contest, but when it comes to finding a match it is always quality over quantity. It’s not just the guys here who need to be more confident. There are plenty of men who want exactly what you got. Do not hide the goods!! Not to be crude, but if you have a large butt and you aren't showing it off in some way in one of your pics then you are selling yourself extremely short.
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Guys. Have a female friend go through your pictures and decide which ones to use and in what order. This is probably the one change that will have the most immediate impact on the number of matches you will get. It doesn’t matter how cool you think you look in that picture, if she won’t approve it then don’t use it!! I would never have chosen what is now my main profile pic, but she knew what she was talking about and women mention the pic often.
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Guys. Have a female friend. Having a female friend is a super underrated way to give yourself more dating opportunities, learn from your mistakes, and get helpful insight like the previous tip. Don't try to friend your way into a relationship. Ever! This might hurt to hear, but if you aren't mature enough to handle an ongoing friendship with a woman without constantly thinking about having sex with her, then you may not prepared for the pitfalls of dating in 2020. Work on it or wait it out. I am crushing it at 41 and I was a nervous weirdo for YEARS.
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Be patient. Any message from someone you met online can reasonably take up to 24 hours to be answered, especially at first. Don't panic and send reactive, desperate, or angry messages because you haven't heard back. Never ever do that. Always walk away gracefully if you think it's over. Assume that any hateful DMs will be made public. If you can't do this, you may not be prepared for the pitfalls of dating in 2020. Seriously, be patient.
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Learn how to break things off gently, even if you have never had to do it before. If you can't do this then you have no right to complain about being ghosted. There are worse outcomes out there.
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Learn to take cute/good selfies. This is a personal preference, but this really covers a lot of bases in terms of keeping someone interested and showing them you are interested. Not to mention this is a great way to keep a connection during covid. Look at other selfies that seem "cute" to you and imitate them. A good basic technique is hold the camera slightly above your head and look a bit off to the side. Take a bunch and send your favorite. Even if it isn't the best picture it can still be a powerful gesture that generates attraction.
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How to avoid the friendzone. The friendzone usually happens when you decide that being near your crush is a suitable consolation prize for being with your crush. Shoot your shot and move on. If you always somehow find yourself in the friendzone on accident, then remember to compliment her right away and often. Send her winking emojis and mention how things could be in the future. "Maybe I can take you there sometime 😉" Pay close attention to how she responds. Always push things forward and take little chances. If she’s interested, she will make it easy on you. Look up how to flirt over text and improvise.
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Get practice. This is the only thing that could possibly take you from being a hopeless weirdo like I was, to being very successful. Get as much practice as possible. Never assume your favorite match will work out and ignore the rest. Always message with multiple matches at once. Flirt with women in public with no intentions. Regularly talk to women you meet and be comfortable around them. Now let’s get controversial: Go through the various steps of dating with women you aren't entirely attracted to. You should have something in common with them or some kind of interest in them, but it's okay if they're heavier, older, younger, more whatever than you usually prefer. There are a lot of steps to dating and navigating each one takes practice. Lots of practice for some of us. Practice opening lines, compliments, timing, selfie skills, recovering from saying something stupid, getting them on the phone, getting them to meet in person, getting repeat dates, keeping them interested, going in for the kiss, and anything else you can think of including parting ways on good terms. Don’t lead anybody on beyond what you are willing to actually do, but you don’t have to marry a girl just because you hit on her. Attraction is not usually "love at first sight" anyway. Instead it’s something that can easily grow stronger over time. And more importantly, do you really think you are going to be able to talk to the woman of your dreams with confidence and skill without any practice?? Plus, a bonus tip here. Your gf/wife is not always going to look as beautiful as you would like, but you better tell them they are with the same gusto you would when they are all made up and perfect. It is really important to practice finding and appreciating other qualities besides looks if you want to have a successful long term relationship. It also helps tremendously with your flirting skills.
Good luck.
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