I've been in love with my best friend for 2 and a half years, it even makes me sick to admit it because I've been a coward for this long. I went CRAZY the entire time. I felt the saddest I've ever been or maybe the saddest I could possibly be. Because i felt like shooting my head when she didn't respond to my texts or told me she has a crush on someone or she prefers other people other me and alot of other scenarios. The amount of unhappiness is just unrealistic. But then I realized that it's never been her fault, it's me whose never gave admitting my feelings a shot. Lately I felt like I'm risking losing her forever because this is our last year of high school. So it's now or never. The fear of never knowing her answer if I didn't admit my feelings overcame the anxiety of rejection. And I just told her. I felt like I was gonna puke before telling her because she's the only thing that I've been thinking about constantly for the past two years. And by I love her I mean obsessively. Like a seriously real obsession like not being able to sleep for nights because she took over 24 hours to answer my texts. It's been reaaaaly tiring mentally, my grades vanished after I used to be one of the best students. She was the best thing that ever ever happened to my life but she drove me crazy, just like cocain to a cocain addict. It was the best feeling but so unhealthy. I just admitted my feelings and was so scared for ruining our relationship forever. Her reaction was "OH OKAY" and that's it. And I'm so surprisingly satisfied with that. Because I realised that's the only thing I needed to do the entire time. I'm not waiting for her to say anything back. I realised that for the past couple of years I've been living in a painful illusion that I created and had nothing to do with her. Because I never admitted my feelings. The fear of thinking that you could've been together but you never took the chance should overcome the fear of rejection. Because if you get rejected, you might get over it after a couple of months but not admitting your feelings will make you regret your decision for your entire life. Thank you!
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