Hi there, hope you're having a nice day so far.To describe my problem, I have to give you some background on how and why it got here.For starters, I'm a first gen immigrant, living in the Netherlands, I'm a nerd and an audiophile. I paint a little bit, do abstract photography and love cinema.
I moved here last year from Iran, in May in order to work as an Engineer in a Dutch company (at the time I was Just 20), which has been tough on me, and to be honest, Netherlands has been good with me, but the problem is, I cannot get over my fear of going out, meeting people and talking to them on a random basis. I don't have such problems at work, in meetings or the things I on a daily basis.
I sort of not only fear being rejected by the people, but also fear being rejected by this whole country and I have this stupid assumption that I won't understand the people I would potentially meet, because I sort of categorize myself as a weird nerd who didn't go to college and worked as an Engineer from the age of 17 instead, but the truth about me is that I have a really delicate personality and I try to represent myself differently.
And I think what do I have to say to the people I could have conversations with?Their lives are probably waaay more fun than mine and what I say, most probably boring.
And online dating ? No luck with that as well.
Not even a single match and that's the on of the other things that makes me think I'm not good enough.
And in the blame run on why I see myself as not good enough, I do a roundrobin trip between things such as not having gone through college, working too much, being nerdy, being frowned upon in the previous environment of mine and not being viewed as a normal person - in many of these cases, I know they're not true, but I seem to be too scared of trying to prove myself otherwise.
I don't think it's necessary to mention how frequently I messed up in the few chances I've had with extremely nice people because of not having understood the situation adequately.
And I feel like I can't express myself as the person I truly am.
As I mentioned, most of this situation is not even new, and having a very limited contact with the outside world has been a part of my life unfortunately and this pandemic has put even more pressure on me, because my (semi) human contacts are almost limited to the people I see over Skype, and that makes me even sadder, thanks to my very kind country, this is also not new and people ran away with the first chance they could take in any direction, which results in having my closest friends live in 4 Different timezones.
The thing is, I've come a long way to even be able to post this here.I could use some advice or talking to someone with similar experiences.
Thanks.
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