For people who like to tell others to "go work on themselves" ...

• How much work did you do on yourself before you were able to get a date?
• What work did the last person you dated do on themself to make you swipe right and talk to them?
• Why is it the men I know who were most successful with women did zero work on themselves and just had endless women since puberty, even if they were horrible people and failures in every other area of life?
• Why is this advice almost only ever directed at men? Do only men need to work on themselves?
• What specifically do you mean when you tell a person to work on themselves?
• If what you mean is "cut your hair, dress nice, and shower" - when you go to a bar/club or a university campus, how often do you see someone wearing dirty clothes with uncut hair, unshaven, and smelling badly?
• If what you mean is "volunteer and develop hobbies" - how much volunteer work did the last person you dated do and what was so exceptional about their hobbies?
• If what you mean is "be okay with being alone" - then aren't you really just kindly telling someone to give up and just stay alone?

I feel like "work on yourself" and "go for therapy" are the two most useless platitudes being spread around that are just a passive aggressive way of saying "I don't like you and I don't care about your problems or what actually happens to you."

If you actually gave a shit or thought a person's problems were solvable, you would be able to give concrete advice that could plausibly lead to a good outcome.

Eg. If someone wants to learn guitar, I would tell them to put a lot of practice in starting with basic chords/scales and some simple songs, because that is what every single person who has ever played guitar has done. No one on earth just woke up one day knowing how to play guitar. Telling someone to practice guitar in order to get good at guitar is simple, clear, truthful, universal advice.

On the other hand, "work on yourself" is lazy advice that does not reflect the realities of why people get dates or don't. Most people have never "worked on themselves" and I think at it's heart this is just a politically correct way to brush people off at best and tell people to go die on their own at worse.

How about a little honesty?

submitted by /u/PutProper
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