As you could read from the title, my (22F) boyfriend (21M) has autism, which sometimes makes him react a bit different than the average person. You can actually barely tell that he has autism, except sometimes when a situation changes in a way he didn't expect. If a situation like that occurs, he usually walks away, and sometimes even hits the wall / hits a door, or he breaks something. He even sometimes hurts himself to punish himself.. I have always known that a reaction like that isn't okay, but at the moment it has reached a point where I start to doubt if I wanna stay together with him. This thought makes me really sad, since I love being together with him, and aside from this, I don't really have that many issues with him.
I have already discussed this with him after he once again had hit a door, and I was very clear about the fact that I am afraid that at some point I just don't wanna deal with this behavior anymore and break up with him. He told me that he understands that I don't like his behavior, since he doesn't like it either, but that he doesn't really know how to change. Therefore, he told me that he can't promise me to stop. At that point I didn't really know what to say anymore, but when I thought about it later on, it came to my mind that I indeed just wanted him to work on a better way to react if a situation like that occurs. It's not the autism that's bothering me, or him needing some time to get everything clear in his mind again, but him destroying stuff and hurting himself.
I would like to let you know that I'm not in any way scared that he would hurt me or other people. That's not why I'm asking for help here. I would just like to know from you guys: what's the best way to talk about this with him? What do you guys think of the situation? Should I put an ultimatum, that if he isn't willing to seek for help, I will break things off? Should I discuss it one day randomly, or tell him this when a situation like this occurs again? I am not a great talker about stuff like this, so yeah..
It's a really difficult situation for me, and even though I know that I really don't wanna stay together with someone that reacts like this, I don't wanna just give up on the relationship, since aside from this I love him so so so much. I hope you guys can give me some advise on this.
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