Summary I (F20) have feelings for my best friend (M20). We are friends since first grade. He is taken and I want us to stay friends. How to unfall for him?
Backstory I feel realy bad with being atracted to him. He is in happy relationship with great girl. They are perfect for each other. I like her and It makes it even worse couse she trusts me so much and I feel like im betraying her. They have no idea I have feelings for him. He and I had a thing in high school (his girl doesn’t now that I guess). But I pushed him away and made it clear it’s better for us to stay friends (which is true). I had realy hard time with self image in high school and thought he was too good for me. But I also wanted to meet other people instead of geting into romantic relationship with guy I have known my whole life. Does that make any sanse? Idk I was a total mess. I still am as you can see. I don’t know If im in love. I obviously love him cause he is like a familly to me. I also find him atractive couse he objectively is a handsome man. But I don’t want to be with him. Even If he wanted to. So why do I feel like this? It was better when I was dating other guys. Almost felt It’s over. 2 weeks ago I got out of yet another not so great relationship. Me and my friend talked a lot about relationship stuff because of my break up. He brought up some memories of us in primary school when we thought we loved each other. All those feelings I’ve spent half of my life suppressing came back with full force. And just few minutes later he talked about his real love and cute beginnings of their relationship. Im so so happy for him but i feel bad for me. My heart skips a bit when I see him or hear his voice and It’s the worst. I just want to be his buddy. And don’t want to be hurt all the time when I have no right to be. Only unfalling for him would make me happy. I desperately need to get over him but I dont know how to do that. I tried to keep distance but it does not help. I can stay away for months and It’s still the same. I feel like I can’t pretend to be fine to my friend and his girlfriend anymore but I would never ever tell them how I feel couse I would loose him and I can’t loose my best friend. What should I do?
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