A little back story, Guy (28M) and I (32F) met on Match way back in July. We hit it off pretty quickly, he was easy to talk to, had his ducks in a row and we had a good number of things in common. We spent most weekend days/night together doing covid friendly activites. The thing that bothered me about it all was that he wasn’t too expressive about liking me romatically. He was not particularly affectionate or romantic, and although we had slept together a couple times over those 3 months, it always felt a little awkward afterwards (no cuddling, no sleep overs, etc.). I questioned whether or not he really saw me as a partner vs. a friends with benefits. So after a couple months I decided to end it with him because I didn’t like this feeling of insecurity that I had about his intentions. When I told him why I was ending it, he responded with “yeah my ex told me the same thing” about how he didn’t really express interest in me. And so we ended things in Septmber. Fast forward to February of this year. In between these months I had been on a lot of blah first and second dates that were nothing special for me. And then one morning I get a text from him out of the blue asking if I wanted to grab dinner. I was surprised but also definitely intruiged. I said yes and we met up for drinks. It was like time had not passed between us; we spent 5 hours talking and getting on really well. He said that he had thought a lot about the things I said about that he regrets not fighting for us when I was ending it in Septmber. He impressed me with his acknowledgment of my love languages vs. his. I was always very physically attracted to him also, so it was pretty easy seeing him again. So we decided to give it another go. We both work full time and he lives about 45 minutes away from me so we have been spending one night a week together so far. He is not a big texter (whereas I feel like I use it to bond with someone if we aren’t seeing each other often) so that’s been pretty much all the time we spend seeing/getting to re-know each other.
So here is where it starts to go downhill. The weekend after we decided to try dating again, I go to his house and we end up having sex. He tells me I can spend the night which was nice to hear but the sleep over was incredibly awkward. We were watching a movie before getting intimiate, and we both wanted to finish watching it after we were done having sex. So we went back to the living room, finished the movie, and then just…went to sleep. Like there was nothing sweet or romantic about it. We both went to his bed, lay down next to each other (not touching) and fell asleep. I wish I had just gone home instead of agreeing to stay the night. The weekend after I I told him I wouldn’t be able to spend the night because I didn’t want to leave my dog home alone all night (my mom was watching him the weekend that I spent the night). I honestly didn’t want another awkward night. But ever since then I have just been noticing that he really hasn’t changed much in the romance/intimacy category. He never really touches me (my love languages seem to be physical touch and words of affirmation, and hes actually the one who pointed this out to me) and says sweet things to me. Every time we hang out it really does just feel like two friends hanging out.
Another thing that’s been bothering me is that he has a bit of a negative vibe about him. Its subtle, but he is always complaining about work, his family, the stress remodeling his house etc. He teases me about little things I do, and how my dog isn’t super trained (hes not a bad dog at all, and he’s still a puppy), and how my parts of my job are a joke (we are both in the same profession but different subsets), and if it actually bothers me even though I don’t think his intentions to be mean. My friends and I have been planning this sort of special dinner for weeks now and I’ve told him about it a number of times, and literally invited him to it more than once. Today (two days before the dinner) he asked if I wanted him to come to the dinner, and I was immediately annoyed because of how I literally sent him the itinerary a few days prior so he knew the times. He said he had a rough week at work and worried his bad mood would make a bad impression on my friends. At this point I’m thinking he won’t get an opportunity to make a bad impression on them because he’s making the worst impression on ME.
I plan to talk to him about my concerns, but at the same time I don’t think this is fixable. I don’t think he’s a bad guy, but I feel like we just don’t mesh well together. I feel like my perception of him has grown to be negative as time goes by.
I guess I am just wondering if this is all small stuff that I should talk to him about with an open mind, or if I should just go with my gut and cut it (again). I have had a rough go at dating this last year as most guys that ive met have just not peaked my interest, and Guy actually did that both times. I worry that maybe I am too picky. Im just looking for some outside perspective.
TLDR; Guy I dated 6 months ago asked for a second chance and I gave it to him. Now I’m not sure if I should end it again.
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