So! I (25f) have started dating again, for the last year I havnt dated or seen anyone casually. Partly because of the pandemic but also because I was and still am working on my dating and sex anxiety. I’ve been a late-ish bloomer when it came to my first kiss etc. But my first “boyfriend” at 18 sexual assaulted me, that has greatly affected my dating and intimate life. The assault led me to the habit of never having sober sex and also never going on a first date sober. I havnt dated anyone for more than 4-5 months and the longest relationship I had ended with me being ghosted. We met travelling, we decided to stay together and date long distance. He ended up ghosting me 3 months later after entertaining detailed plans of me going to visit and stay with him in Australia... I’ve been ghosted a few more times, on more of a casual level but I feel I deserved some communication from the person instead of radio silence.
I’d like to start off with saying I am proud of the progress I have made but I’m still frustrated. I went on a first date 3 weeks ago AND I was sober and I really enjoyed myself. It was terrifying, the days leading up to it I had to pull out a lot of my big gun coping mechanisms just so I could function through normal day stuff. We chatted almost everyday in the evening after the date and I felt like things were going well. Now we havnt chatted much in the last week, havnt heard from him/he hasn’t responded to one of my texts in 5 days. I am trying my best to keep a clear mind about the lack of communication, I know he has a life beyond pursuing a relationship. He also doesn’t use any social media and just got a smart phone in the last month or two (before this he used a flip/t9 texting phone). It’s just starting to make me feel discouraged and I’m trying my best to keep in mind that my worth isn’t in his validation or attention. ITS HARD THOU I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m proud of myself but I am also experiencing a lot of loneliness and craving for human touch that’s beyond platonic (eww feelings). He’s also into so much of the niche topics I study at school and in my hobbies I got really excited when we first started chatting. I wanted to post this in a way to sort my thoughts out and look for any advice on continuing my day to day life without totally loosing my sanity with the thought that he might never communicate with me again.
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