I really, really dislike dating apps because they make me feel like I'm being judged as a piece of meat with a pretty face. If it were up to me, I would never once go on a dating app. I'm afraid that having zero mutual friends combined with an algorithm only using distance means that person can ghost me, use me, (try to) kill me, etc. (all war stories from my friends) and can't get traced back. I personally have zero problem going up to someone on the subway, street, grocery store etc and introducing myself if they are cute or seem interesting. But you'd be surprised at how many guys freak out or think that's clingly or overbearing. One time I introduced myself and a guy wasn't open to a conversation, and then opened up tinder on his phone for the rest of the subway ride! People my age must have extreme social anxiety or something. It seems like they're fine with throwing themselves at a stranger so long as they've read a 40 character bio, but just having a quick chat with a stranger in a park is a nightmare.
What's kept me off dating apps all through college and 3 years into my career, is that I absolutely hate the culture of hookup apps. Despite my age I like to take things very, very slow. I'm afraid if I don't put out quickly to a guy that I'll meet specifically on a dating app, they won't stick around because that's what they're used to getting from the rest of the crowd. The thought of juggling and going on multiple dates with multiple people, nonetheless kissing multiple people or sleeping with them in one month to "try to see if there's a connection" completely sickens me and offends me, but I'm upset and begrudgingly trying to look the other way because that's how the culture is now, unfortunately. This is a double-edged sword, because I'm afraid if I say in my bio I don't want to sleep with or kiss you until we're deciding this is going to be a relationship, guys won't be patient and go for the next swipe and not even consider getting to know me.
I think I'm cute, I'm athletic and fit, I have abs and a butt, I have lots of artistic hobbies that usually fill my time and I love to read and write music, I have a full time job, I'm into fashion and even design my own clothes sometimes, I like natural makeup and collecting records and think pasta dinners are more fun than mimosa brunches. I find it rude to discriminate on a guy for their body type, height, or whatever – so even though I list these traits about myself, I know they're about ME, not to be expected of YOU, I just want to know you're you, and you're kind, and you're not a coward with some pretty eyes and a beard.
I live in new york fuckin city, the center of the universe, home to millions, so am I overreacting? Am I expecting too much of a dating app? Do you have any advice about how a "prude" like me can find this kind of love in an algorithmic world?
I downloaded a bunch of dating apps because I've been single for some time and my friends really want the best for me and at this point are afraid that I'm too afraid, and that life and my "golden years" will pass me by single because I'm not "putting myself out there" enough, in the words of the 21st century. While I don't think I'm wasting any time, I feel like I have to reluctantly try to log on with the kids of this digital world and play their game to know if I have a chance at love ever again. And to all those who feel they're swiping their hours away, live in fear of getting ghosted, spent money on dates who never called them back, told their friends about the wrong ones, or have ever been afraid to strike up a conversation with a cutie in real life: I see you, I hear you, I support you and want to hear your stories of love or loss or encouragement as I enter this horrific millenial minefield, hoping to come out on the other side unscathed.
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