Dating this amazing professor. Though she was 7-8 years older than me, taller than me and etc, I found her amazing though we opposed on many ideologies. The first month was bliss, but the second month she went through a few things which almost derailed her career while dealing past relationships. During this time, I was dealing with my aging mother, my family and bottling up my emotions regarding my career. We spoke about the progress of our dynamic. I truthfully told her though my gut is saying end it, I know it can and will work out. Later on, we went on vacation to my home city. The first day on the trip, we argued on something trivial. Second day we argued again. She was going through her dilemma, I realized I lost patience due to my responsibilities. During this holiday celebration, we got into tension with a group which initiated the problem but she couldn't control her emotions. Coming back from the vacation, our relationship was strained. Instead of removing myself, I pushed and pushed because I didnt want to lose her. A week later we were suppose to break up, though it was amicable, I thought i talked her out of it. She came back from abroad and truly wanted to end it. I still texted her, she felt and said I distracted her and she needed to move on. I apologized as much as I can and parted. Then I remembered to ask her to delete my nudes (due to my profession) and went my merry way. Later during the year, the flowers I ordered last year for Valentine day and her Birthday arrived to her place. I even called her to make sure she was okay but no answer. Later on during the course of the year, I realized she blocked me on social apps.
Though I doubt she will ever see, after months of sadness, I realized a few things for myself:
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Pressure equals Force divide by Area. When the Force is too high over an Area, we obtain a large pressure. People are usually mentally the same Area, as they progress, the Area expands as we mature. Still, when we try to Force ourselves on people sometimes they feel a lot of Pressure. The best option is pull back, relieving that pressure
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Red flags are notable. If it is meant to be, so be it. If not, walk away.
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Never go against your gut feeling.
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Sometimes, just like a pressure cooker, you need a person or group to relieve your stress because it will leak into your personal relationships. Bottling up your emotions is as foolish as drinking wood pulp for hydration.
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Never impose your "fantasy" of a person. More negative drawbacks than anything else you can imagine.
I just wish I can sit down with her, apologize, break down my actions and what I was dealing with during that time and why I didn't convey those dynamics but wishing is a fool's game.
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