So ive noticed a certain little thing when it comes to dating. It appears to be a double standard, and also a way to shame people.
The "victim" idea.
So I am sure everyone has heard the "victim mentality" you cant always be a victim, but apparently being a victim in of itself is seen as just a bad thing. I dont know if this is objective, or subjective. I honestly cant tell. Because you see men "victim blame" women; you see women victim blame men as well.
When men victim blame women, it seems to appear to be outright cruel, a woman can be harassed; the man then says, "well, shouldnt of wore those tight yoga pants!" this is victim blaming.
When women victim blame men, it is more subtle but comes in forms such as, a man being used by a woman for money and some type of material, she tells him she loves him and is aware of what she is doing; when the man says "I was being used by this woman" he is met with, "well, you should of known better!" this is... victim blaming too.
In the dating realm, ive noticed though that men are victim blamed MUCH more.
So, a man is being used and having a hard time establishing a relationship? If he voices his opinion on this, he is then shamed. Women will say "well youre just playing victim!" even encouraging toxic masculinity saying "just man up, get over it!" men cant be victims! You see? You should of simply known better or of improved yourself where women like you... yeah. ok.
If a woman is lead on, used for sex for example, she is always the victim. If a man is used for anything, he should of simply known better.
Ive noticed that women seem to shame men who struggle, saying they are just playing victim, while EVERYTHING can be transformed as some type of slight to women.
You told a woman to smile? She doesnt OWE you a smile! WOMEN DONT OWE YOU ANYTHING!!!!!
Tell a man to smile? Yeah whats he got to be sad about?! He can tell you, and you can just say "suck it up buttercup, you arent the victim!"
This is used in other cases outside of dating, like I complained that someone called me a noob in a game, and was told im.... "playing victim". Well, I mean, I was called a noob.... this did in fact happen... so is this not simply a form of stating an observation? Or is it "playing victim"?
I can see how playing victim could be quite the annoying thing, "woe is me, woe is me" type of behavior is of course very draining. But bad things do happen to people. They arent always playing victim.
Now this is reddit of course, and the majority of reddit users are from this place called "the United States of extreme genocidal individuality" the U.S. is extremely individualistic because they adopt the ideology of the masters of society, this being the owner class, the capitalist class, whatever you want to call them.
So, a bit of a tangent, but I took a course called "interpersonal communication" and in my textbook that I actually was quite interested in, it mentioned something quite interesting... I will try to word this as best as I can.
It claimed that individuals tend to externalize all their own issues, but internalize all of other peoples issues. From what I understood, it was saying that an individual will look at someone else and say "well their issues are their fault, cant get a job? youre lazy! cant get a girlfriend, its your personality!" internalizing the other persons problems, as in blaming all their issues on the individual, but their own issues they blame on outside forces (externalizing them) "oh well im on overtime cause that guy isnt working as hard! I cant get a girlfriend cause women are shallow!" you get the idea. I believe we see this type of thinking on reddit pretty often, and its something I keep in mind, and I think maybe you can too.
Anyway, sometimes I get told im playing the victim... I never had a girlfriend, and I never have been laid before, or got laid before or however you say that. I complain about it quite often, and I get told its 100% my fault. Nothing I try seems to work, and if I say this, im simply playing victim. "boo hoo, get over it" ya know?
How does one end this victim mentality?
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