For context I am 30F and my date was 38M. I haven’t been on a date for ~3 years, and it’s been about 8 years since my last serious relationship. If this post is irrelevant to this sub please direct me to one that is more fitting.
I am ok with being single, it doesn’t bother me to not be in a relationship. At the same time I thought it would be good to try and build some confidence, and open up to meet new people after battling depression and try to get over social anxiety. So I decided to make a profile on a popular dating website. (If it matters, it wasn’t tinder)
Fast forward, a cute guy messaged me and after a few light conversations over text, he seemed like a pleasant person. We decided to meet up at a local cafe for some coffee. My first red flag was that he showed up in pajama pants and an old baggy sweater. I really try not to judge on first impressions, and didn’t want to to be rude so we agreed to go for a walk on the waterfront.
We decided to sit down on a bench to chat for a while and watch the sunset. This is when I started to feel uncomfortable as he started calling me babe and he put his hands around my waist. I feel like I should include that we both stated on our profiles that we both weren’t looking for anything intimate right away.
Then oh how romantic it was to then listen to him shit talk about his ex and then tell me about his 4 kids with 2 other women, which be never mentioned before. His behaviour escalated as he started kissing my neck, even though I told him I was not comfortable with being so touchy-feely, especially that we first met. He completely ignored how I felt and kept touching me, smelling me (I was wearing my favourite perfume) as well as touching my hair and telling me how beautiful I was and what he wanted to do to me. (I’ll save you the details, but they were very explicit) Again I told him I wasn’t comfortable with how close he was. But I still didn’t want to be rude and lacked the courage to just get up and walk away, as much as I wish I could have. I froze, I was terrified, my mind was racing and I didn’t know what to do. He just kept groping me, mind that this is in public. He was touching my chest and tried to put his hand down my pants. I’m a victim of grooming/sexual abuse when I was a child, and never learned how or when to stand up for myself. Any normal woman would have slapped the fuck out him.
Eventually I made up an excuse that I had to go home and feed my cat. It worked. When I got home deleted my profile, blocked his number, then I took a shower to physically and mentally wash off what just happened, I had a mental breakdown. I felt so disgusted and violated, next day I made an appointment to cut off most of my hair, (it was quite long) It just disgusts me that someone so vile ran his fingers through it.
Sorry for the long post, I felt like I needed to tell someone. I know not all people are like this, but I feel so ashamed, scared and angry with myself that I let this happen. I want to just forget about dating and keep to myself because it’s safer, but a small part of me knows it’s not healthy to feel this way. I am open to advice or experiences you’d like to share to help protect myself in the future. Thank you for listening.
Edit* I should mention that I have used this dating website in the past. Though nothing serious ever came out of it, I have met some great people and shared experiences with them that I probably wouldn’t have gone out and one myself.
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