Just a little backstory, the last year or so has been one of the most pivotal, emotionally draining yet rewarding year of my life. I come from an immigrant household with a low income , working several jobs as a teenager to support myself and my family. I have always dreamed of being something more, of making something of myself. So on top of my jobs I also made sure to work my ass off in school. As Senior year approached I've became increasingly stressed I would not be able to pay for college. Just as college applications were approaching, one of my parents passed.
I was in a very dark place and my not yet significant other but close friend helped me through so much. He comforted and supported me, but also challenged my views on grief by guiding me on how to make a positive out of this negative, using my pain and loss as an incentive to work towards a better version of myself. I knew that my presence had made everyone around me uncomfortable, never knowing what to say or do. But never him, I never made him uncomfortable. It eased me. When I realized we were both romantically invested in each other, we became official and I never met anyone who I clicked with in every way possible. Not just as a boyfriend, but as a best friend; as a soulmate. We communicate our needs, wants, insecurities, and problems. In all our disagreements (not arguments) we assessed it as not him vs me, but as us vs the problem. In terms of compatibility as people, as lovers, I have never connected to someone like this.
However, I also got a full ride to my dream college 8 hours away. We were very ready to start long distance and planned accordingly, until one day 8 months into our relationship, we were sitting down and talking. He was expressing his own fears on what's the next phase in his life, where will he be, where his career is going. And I realized, with a drop of my heart, that I will always care for him and I will always want him to choose what is in his best interest, what will let him thrive; and that is not me. My path is school and pursuing my educating, and his is building his career. So amicably, we decided to split before I go to school in order to do what's best for us as individuals. A lot of crying, a lot of bittersweet cuddles.
I do believe whole heartedly that I love him deeply, I just never been one to express this phrase easily. But I do. He has undoubtedly set up my standards for my oncoming relationships, I will never just "settle" again. But now I know, and I want to say it to him before I leave; but I'm scared it'll just make it hurt more. Thank you for reading, advice would be helpful (:
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