All my life I have pretty much struggled w finding the right person. My first relationship I was w my high school sweetheart on and off for 4 years. It was very toxic. We broke up and a month later he told me he knocked up some girl, but he continued to talk to me and wanted me to still treat him like we were together. After a couple months I find out they’re engaged so I go NC. They get married and he later finds out that the kid isn’t his. Lol definitely dodged a bullet there. They are still married after 3 years and she just gave birth to his child. He still contacts me to this day begging for me to come back. I don’t even know who he is anymore so I have no feelings towards that. My second “serious” relationship was w a guy I matched w on tinder. Ended up hitting it off and falling in love very quickly. He ends up moving in w a girl that I stated would not work out in the end due to them hooking up before and me not trusting him or they would eventually fall out as friends. Of course I was right so him and I end things cause I felt as if the whole situation was sketchy and he ends up moving out after 3 months because she apparently didn’t feel comfortable w me coming around. Him and I go NC for a couple weeks then rekindled our relationship once he was officially moved back in w his parents. The relationship started to become toxic as well. His behavior definitely reminded me of a narcissist. For example, he told me I was starting to get rash from my vibrator but I hadn’t used it in months at that point and said that I was stopping him from making me orgasm? Second, I try to do something nice for him he would end up ruining it or saying that it wasn’t good enough. He also would constantly tell me that I couldn’t have certain foods. He claimed he was trying to help me reach my fitness goals but he literally said I couldn’t have ketchup. So I left him. I guess what I’m asking is what are some key components to having a healthy relationship? I don’t understand why I’ve never been able to have a healthy relationship with anyone. All I want is someone to love and love me back. During any hard times I always try to be calm and understanding during disagreements. I know I’m not perfect by any means, but I do my very very best to keep the relationship healthy. Even if the relationship doesn’t work out, I can understand that if we’re both unhappy, but why has each one resulted in a toxic relationship? I’m not one for pointing fingers at who did what. I know we were both probably wrong in a lot of situations as well. I often wonder if there is even a man for me out there. I am told all the time that I am very pretty. I’ve even been told from random people that I could “do better” when I’m out on dates. I have been told I’m very laid back, chill, honest, and funny. I work out 5-6 times a week for hours. I get hit on pretty often by men as well but whenever it comes to a relationship I never really get to that stage. I sometimes feel like the girl that builds the man for the next woman. I’m so tired of feeling this way. I’ve deleted all apps tho because I see the same dudes on there and I feel like every experience I’ve had w that didn’t work out anyways. I personally don’t really care about looks I just want some genuine, sweet, loving, honest, and loyal. I’m starting to lose hope tho. Had any one else experienced this?
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