So I've been single for a year and a couple of months and slowly have been getting back into the dating field. Was previously in a long-term relationship of four years, broke up when we both weren't happy anymore. Had a few first dates, didn't really go anywhere.
I'm in my mid-twenties and had been dating/talking to a guy in his mid-thirties for the past three months, and we weren't officially bf/gf.
I took the day off work one day since I had a few appointments and errands to run. I love this one cute cafe about 20 minutes away from my old place; I've gone there so much, the owner's wife and I have actually hung out outside of me visiting their workplace. I also help their daughter who is homeschooled with her school work at times if she is struggling. Super sweet family, I love supporting their small business.
This Karen was causing a fuss that she was going to be late for work, making snide comments about the wait time, and being a jerk to their daughter running the register. The daughter looked like she was on the edge of tears; I felt terrible. I mentioned something to the woman "Maybe if you get your head out of your ass you would see that they are understaffed." the woman turned around and told me to screw off, and I added, "I'm sure your co-workers think you're an absolute joy." This guy laughed behind me and I turned around. He goes, "I'm sorry for laughing. Don't go yelling at me now." and I said something like, "Haha, no, sorry about that." Then we ended up talking for like 30 minutes over coffee and some breakfast, he paid for my stuff. He asked for my number and if we could see each other again. Then he joked that he would pick a place where I don't have to yell at people.
He was a divorcee, had a ten-year marriage five years ago, had two sons. The age didn't bother me; he was older than what I usually went for; he mentioned that I was a bit younger than he initially thought I was. He was charming, picked me up for dates, texted regularly, sex was great, and he checked many boxes I wanted in a partner; (Examples: stable career, similar outlooks, goals/interests, bonus for having a cute dog.) The big thing for me is I don't want to have children of my own, the whole reproduction of a child isn't in my cards, but I absolutely love kids; I'm personally a school nurse because I fell in love with my school peds clinical back in nursing school.
I'm not opposed to someone having kids of their own, I just don't want the guy who pretends his ex is keeping them from them, but they suck as a human being, lol. He said he was happy I mentioned my views because his sons were 8 and 11, and he was finished having kids. He asked if I was sure I wasn't opposed to him being a dad and I said I wasn't. From what I heard there is a healthy relationship between him and his ex, there was 50/50 custody; he also never said one bad thing about his ex, which I factor in when talking to any man.
Dates were fun, and he always initiated them, we would work our schedules around since he works as a pilot so he would let me know when he was back in the area. He'd plan it, or I threw out suggestions, I'd offer to pay, he'd decline, and pay for each meal or activity.
I thought it was going well, we were still texting like normal, he asked if I was busy this Friday (today actually) because his ex asked if she could have the kids a day earlier over the weekend. He asked if I would be interested in driving around to see Christmas lights, grabbing some snacks, and watching a Christmas movie at his place; I said I'd love to and what time I should be ready.
I didn't hear from him for over 24 hrs which wasn't the norm, and then he texted me this morning:
"Hey, OP! Sorry for not getting back to you, but I was unsure of how to respond. I met someone today, and I'm going to see if it possibly leads to a relationship. I hope moving into your apartment goes well this weekend, it's an exciting new chapter for you!"
I was a bit shocked but I replied, "No biggie, but that's so exciting, thank you!"
He said, " It is, thank you. I fluctuate if I have the time/energy/capacity for a relationship or not on a regular basis. Hope you're feeling better."
(I broke my arm working out at my gym last week, he was sweet, brought me food and ice cream into the hospital to visit me since we were supposed to meet up for a date later that day. He offered to drive me back to my apartment and helped me around my place.)
I responded, "I think many people have that same mindset until they meet someone they enjoy spending time with, plus you have priorities like your kids."
And he said, "I agree, they take up a lot of my free time, and it's hard to justify not spending time with them when I'm available. I appreciate you being so understanding."
He added a few minutes later, "Have a good day, OP. Please don't take any of this personally. You're incredibly gorgeous and an amazing person, and you'll make for a great NP one day. No hard feelings?"
I'm chopping this up as a "he's just not that into you" type of thing and liked another girl more.
I really respect that he texted me; many get ghosted. I'm just at a loss- I usually can tell at a first date or early on that I'm not compatible with someone or if it will lead to a relationship or not: Not after investing so much time and effort into someone.
But anyway, I have to get back to work, but I am just a bit bummed now because I liked this guy.
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