Hey guys. I’ve never posted on here before but I don’t know where else to turn. I just got out of a year long ‘serious’ relationship (I’m 23F, he’s 26M). We had said I love you etc but I said it first (after over 6 months of dating) and he didn’t say it back at the time. NBD. when he did eventually say it back though (about 2 months later) he held it over my head.
I’m the kind of person to tell people when I love them. But when I said it to him (even after he said it back) his response would always be “why do you have to say it all the time? Do you want to hear it from me everyday?” Long story short, he was cheating on me. I knew the signs were there but he always denied it and told me I was “crazy”, “paranoid” and “too emotional” when I would ask him about it. I have always been an anxious person but I’d never had a panic attack until I met him. I would get into panic mode after confronting him because he would berate me and call me crazy and his saying would always be “i don’t want to talk to you for a few days because I don’t love you right now..” He would say it was because my panic attacks were ruining his evenings and literally cut me off for days. I would then cry for days until he would talk to me again and I would apologise like crazy. This happened multiple times throughout our relationship. He also made me go to therapy, call doctors and I ended up going on antidepressants because he convinced me I was crazy for no reason.
Was this normal? Every woman in my life has said it sounds like emotional abuse but I was so wrapped up in getting him to be in love with me again I never noticed. I just don’t feel like if you love someone they can lose that overnight (especially multiple times?). I want to see a therapist about this situation but I’m scared of going in and painting myself as the bad guy again if i was actually doing something wrong, and if it is I want to examine why I act this way. Plus I am really scared of being in another relationship now because of how bad I felt that whole time.
Please help, any response would be so appreciated
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