I am a female 20, and have these feeling of shame and embarrassment that are almost overwhelming after having sex with someone/ making out with them etc. I always think I did something embarrassing and it haunts me literally months after the fact. I do have low self esteem so I dk if that’s connected and I also can’t tell whether I should be feeling embarrassed about anything I did? It’s also especially worse when things happen when I’m intoxicated and I can’t remember what exactly I did which leads to more shame as my mind starts thinking of the worst most embarassing scenarios and convincing me they happened. I’m not ashamed of sex tho like I talk about it very openly and masturbaiton too which is why this embarrassment confuses me. Could this be just my anxiety manifesting itself like that?
[Edit: just to clarify one only had sex with one person everyone else was just making out nothing sexual - so shame around societal stigma of casual sex is unlikely]
I also only recently started being sexual and it happened with someone I wasn’t attracted to and I basically forced myself to do it even though I hated it. I literally had sex with him multiple times even tho i wasn’t even into it and felt disgusted during the process too. To this day as soon as I get aroused J remember having sex with him and feel intense revoltion, disgust, and cringe on the inside like physically. What’s wrong with me? The embarrassment was present before this experience too tho I think it just made it worse maybe
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