I get it, people around my age are 'young professionals' all getting started in our careers and whatnot. There has to be some give and take when you begin to bring someone new into your life but when you really want something to work then you'll make the small efforts that you can to make it happen. Also just trust your gut people. (TL;DR at the bottom)
I recently met this guy on a dating app (even posted about it previously on this subreddit) almost two months ago. We really hit it off and were even planning on meeting up soon after we matched but due to reasons on both sides with work / school it didn't happen. Soon after that we went into a bit of a dip in talking for a couple of days, I deleted the app we met on because I was getting bored with it, and then he messaged me again on social media. During one of our conversations he randomly asked if I wanted to go to an outdoor music fest with him and his friends and honestly Im so glad I did. It was such a fun night. I felt like he and I hit it off on a personal and with romantic level. The chemistry was just there and we even got lunch the next day which went really well. I thought he seemed really into me as well.
We shared some good conversations and interests and I felt like I was really getting to know him. I even asked him out once myself but he had a preplanned trip out of town which is understandable. At one point he did mention he would love to see me again but he was busy studying for a tough exam balanced with work so I told him I didn't mind waiting for that to be over. I had a tough month ahead of me as well and I really felt a connection with this guy so I thought "that was nice of him to let you know it seems like he's really interested. What do you have to lose, just give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens!" Im sure anyone can see where this is going.
So the month goes along and our talking is spotty at times but the short conversations are good. Quite a few times though we go on for several days without speaking and per my previous post I did take initiative but also sat back waiting for him to try because I knew the guy's two thumbs weren't broken and he could at least send me a quick message if he wanted. My best friend (who is in medical school and killing it btw) and her boyfriend even warned me that no exam would take up that much of someone's time; she even makes time for her bf on her busy schedule and he works full time and they're going pretty strong for the past two years. But I was starting to really like this guy (or at this point maybe just the idea of him) and continued to give him the benefit of the doubt when I shouldn't have.
We messaged a couple of times since but cut to when his exam was supposed to be over and... nothing. "Ok, well maybe he's just taking time for himself and then he'll text me. I had to do that to after I took an exam that I spent months studying for."
Ugh, I feel so stupid typing that out but it was quite literally my thought process. I feel a bit pathetic to because I even sent him a small message last night and, surprise, the responses were very sparse and not flirty whatsoever. I eventually asked him to be honest where he thought he saw it going and of course it ended up being he didn't want something long term like me but he "did like me as a person." I feel stupid for not letting myself realize this sooner.
Typing this out has been really helpful, honestly, even if no one reads this. Im trying to see this as "its his loss in the end" mindset but its difficult because this has got to be the fourth time this has happened to me with guys on and off apps now and it really makes me wonder what Im lacking, whether it be looks or personality.
As time goes on I'll probably be happy I got to experience those great two dates and the few conversations we had. Personally, I'll probably take a break from dating again because Im the kind of silly person that has to emotionally recuperate after I get my hopes up but that doesn't mean I don't think all is lost. It sucks because you know that this doesn't affect the person the same way it does you in these situations.
Yeah, Im pretty bummed it didn't go any further but my main message is that people need to realize the difference between giving someone leeway when you're first getting to know them versus letting the fantasy of someone take over in your head and making excuses for them. It'll save you a lot of time and emotional conflict in the end.
TL;DR--> If someone is busy and they really want to get to know you, they'll make the effort. Easy to say, harder to remember.
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