Hi I'm 20F and my best friend is also 20F. We are both bisexual. We met online and have been best friends since we were 13. Back when our friendship was still new she had told me that she had a crush on me but because I was still confused about my sexuality I rejected her and told her I only see her as a friend. That didn't change our friendship at all and everything went back to normal. I ended up coming out to her when we were 16, telling her that I have a crush on one of my friends at school. She also had a crush on a guy at her school. None of us have ever brought up the fact that she used to have a crush on me because I have been pretending that I don't remember her ever confessing to me (pretty shitty on my part, I know but at that time it lowkey made me uncomfortable to talk about it.) Fast forward to 2019 and both of us are single and have no crushes. But one day she tells me that she's been talking to someone online and have started dating them. Suddenly I felt jealous that she's been talking to someone else on a deeper level instead of me. I have mental health issues so I thought it was me being co-dependent on her and being upset that she doesn't feel like that towards me too (I know this sounds toxic but I can't help it - I don't act on it, though.) Anyways, they didn't last long and for some reason I was quite relieved. I didn't think about these feelings that much regarding whether I might have romantic feelings for her. It was only the start of quarantine when I started to think more about how I felt about her as we would spend more time together watching shows, anime, being on calls for hours, etc. We were so close that people thought we were dating. At one point we even fake dated as a prank which I didn't hate at all. But she did show slight discomfort as we joked about fake dating. Through out this year and last year we've gotten so close but I can't differentiate it between platonic love, romantic love or just because I'm bored and lonely. Any advice or opinions?
Edit: The two of us are a part of a trio and one day our friend (20M) asked if any of us have ever had feelings for one another, both of us said no and that's why I've been pretending not to remember. I also have not shown my jealousy in front of her when she was dating someone else and have only supported and rooted her on. We've never had a fight before so any time I felt negative feelings I wouldn't tell her as to not upset her.
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