It happened. The only other friend who was single has now met someone. I'm happy for him, but it's also tearing me apart as I'm now the only one in my friend group who's single.
I have had one relationship in my life, 5 years ago that lasted about 6 months. She had personal issues she needed to work with and she felt she couldn't focus on them while also in a relationship that needs nurture and care, so it's not something I did, and we stayed as F-buddies for like half a year more.
Since then, I've had one ONS, around the same time we stopped being F-buddies, and since then nothing other than a small makeout session.
I've been on like 40-50 Tinder dates since, and only one of them led to the previously mentioned ONS. I don't get what I'm doing wrong. I've tied the flirty and touchy approach, which few were comfortable with. I've tried a completely passive approach where I basically just sit back and talk. That didn't make them uncomfortable but they instead said they didn't feel anything. I haven't tried a middle approach because I don't know what that looks like. I've never been called creepy or disgusting, they have all said I seem like a great guy, but the ones I touched so much simply said they weren't used to it and it made them nervous.
A friend told me it may be my Asperger's being the culprit as according to him it's visible on my body language and voice which is a bit stiff and monotonous respectively. I'm not sure I believe him though because he's the only one who mentioned it, and he tends to try to be "honest to the point it's impolite". Either way, it's something I can't really do anything about, and it doesn't sound like things that makes or breaks a date.
Some basic facts about me: 33 years old, average height (179 cm), "normal" body shape (so not fat, but not fit either. Basically someone who doesn't excersise much but also takes care of my calorie intake). I have a good-paying job (around 3300 dollars) as a project manager. I have hobbies like video games, photography, board games and hanging out with friends. I don't have many friends, about 5 or so, but I also have a few acquaintances.
All in all, my life is in order and I'm not a social outcast.
I am terrible at approaching strangers. I also live in one of the most stranger-hostile countries on earth where people really don't appreciate strangers starting to talk to them unless at the pub when everyone is completely smashed, and I don't believe you will find your future wife there, only a one night stand. But even if I just want a ONS I'm terrible at approaching people there as I keep having a feeling of "I don't want to disturb them". I am also shit at chitchat about everything and nothing. I can't just chat up a stranger because I don't know what to talk about with someone I just met 2 seconds ago.
The thing is I get along great with women. I've always hade an easy time making female friends. My current and past best friend have been female, and the current one I'm the godfather of her son, and will be her best man at her upcoming wedding.
At work I have also recently befriended two women and started to have after works with them which is fun. I'm not interested in either, but even if I was I wouldn't crap where I eat, so even so they would be off-limits to avoid workplace drama. Anyway, they both say I'm really awesome and that I am one of the reasons they enjoy our workplace so much.
All in all I'm well liked. I haven't heard anyone say straight to my face or talk behind my back about disliking me. I've certainly had friendships ruined and it's been my fault, but that happens to everyone and as long as you learn from your mistakes it's really not a big deal imo.
It hurts extra now because I just found out that my friend, who was the only single person other than me, met someone. I'm glad for him, but it also gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach, realizing I'm last.
It's also become troublesome when I'm around couples. Like when my best friend talks to her boyfriend on the phone, I kind of do this thing with my ears so I don't hear the call and, most importantly, the "I love you"-part. I get sad when I hear it, not because I like her but because those words have become some sort of trigger. I also look away every time they kiss and such because it's too hard to look at.
I don't consider myself an insel. I don't hate people. I love people, and hanging out with them. I know people love me platonically and that's great.
It's also rough because it gets tiring going on so many dates without success. I've kind of taken a year long break because I lost the motivation to keep going. I've started to feel like trying again, but the period between dates have certainly gone up. Before I could go on a date, fail and then instantly talk to someone new, but then the time period increased to weeks, then months and now a year.
I honestly don't know what else I can do, and it's exhausting.
TL;DR My dating life sucks and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm also now the last single in my friend group and it hurts even more now.
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