Hello everyone! Hope it’s the right place to ask a question like this.
TL:DR I really want to detach from someone who is completely detached from me and I really need some advice on it.
I met a guy online almost a year ago, we met in a group of like minded online friends. I got really infatuated with him early on, and he turned out to be the type to be flirty and friendly with others while in public but in his private life he’s introverted and independent, he doesn’t really need much communication and he could spent days working on his multiple projects and hobbies. Apparently, people like this trigger something in me, some deep wound, and I started wanted his attention. Ofc I made friends with his “social” side, but he has a lot of friends like this, who want his attention, but he just keeps them on an arm length.
I’m going to make a remark here, this guy is taken, BUT I have no intention to be a “home wrecker”. My question is how to detach from him and move on with my life, because my emotions for him are getting completely out of hand.
It’s been going on for almost a year, we meet with a group online around 2-3 days a week. He’s one of the organizators of the “events”. I get all the “typical” symptoms, I catch myself thinking about him a lot, i scroll his social media, and even when I’m forcefully keeping myself away from anything connected to him, I still end up day dreaming or replaying out conversations in my head. I feel hopelessly addicted, like this person is a drug. I’m so attached he controls my feelings, he gives me a shot of dopamine every time I get attention from him, and when he neglects me I feel on the verge of crying. I actually realized I cried every time after we hang out the last 2-3 weeks, which is to my mind very unhealthy.
I figured that this complete detachment is what hooked me in the first place. We could have nice convos, joke, laugh, but he doesn’t care about me in the slightest, he won’t bat an eye if I’m not there. That’s the way I want to learn to act, and maybe there is some jealousy to his traits in me too. To the amount of hobbies and projects, to the way he doesn’t rely on people for emotional support even a tiny bit.
Few months ago he was cleaning his social media and he unfollowed people he’s not that close with. I was one of these people, and it sent me down an emotional spiral. I tried to cut all contact with him to forget him, but I came right back like a boomerang.
There is just something so luring about him. I tried stopping going to hang outs, but every time I keep coming back.
If you can give some advice on the matter or recommend a book/articles on detachment, I’ll be very very thankful!
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