Long story short, I’ve known this guy for years, we recently got back in touch with each other resulting in us sleeping together for the first time a couple months ago. We’ve slept together around 4/5times now and I can’t complain about the sexual compatibility, we do have a nice time when together also.
Generally, I’m a lover girl, but at times I do let my sexual urges get the best of me and I often find myself in these confusing dynamics. I’ve been single almost 3 years now & I’ve spent that time healing and having boundaries. So I am usually good at communicating to establish what type of arrangement that we’re getting ourselves into so there isn’t any confusion with emotions and stuff. But tend to go with the flow regardless.
I do find this guy to be quite manipulative at times, he does love bomb me & plays mind games. but as I’m emotionally aware I can see what he’s doing. I don’t react to his antics & he calls me nonchalant/cold a lot, but that’s literally because I can see what he’s doing. I don’t give too much away as he doesn’t seem very emotionally available.
I don’t doubt that he’s not seeing others sometimes & he does try to make me jealous or evoke a reaction out of me which he never gets, but it completely gave me the ick. I cut him off after that and let him know that this superficial mind game thingy we have going on just doesn’t really work for me.
On the contrary, I feel like I’ve kind of f*cked myself (no pun intended) because now I don’t have anyone to satisfy my needs. Yes, I know this can come across as shallow and quiet contradicting as I am a deep person that thrives in deep connections. But I’m also human and I find sometimes especially whilst I’m ovulating I just turn into a dick craving monster lol. I don’t act on it but can’t help but think about the last person who I’ve had sex with.
I’m going through this phase now. I just want to know is it toxic of me to contact him? I literally just need a fix, but I would fully communicate that this is the arrangement that we have set up, no strings attached.
Even though I’m attractive, I’m an introvert so I don’t really have a roster or find opportunities to date (also hate online dating). So for me this arrangement seems more fitting for the time being. I work hard, I travel and live an overall wholesome life so I feel like I deserve some fun. But am I devaluing myself by contacting him for this?
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