I'm about to turn 34, and I'm still single. I've been dating for about five years now. I spent 25-28 in a relationship I never should have been in that ended badly, and in hindsight, really resent losing those years where I could have met someone else. We spent the next three years keeping in touch regularly as well. I also spent a few years after that really not emotionally available because of him. I've been dating pretty actively since, but nothing serious has stuck, and I'm looking at myself and my own behavior, and wondering how much of it is my fault. I'm worried I passed over guys I should have given more of a chance to let things develop, maybe because I wasn't ready or available emotionally, or was busy traveling.
For instance, some of the guys I went out with when I was about 30:
Guy 1: After our first date I thought "nice conversation but unsure about attraction"... we kinda loosely texted after, he asked if I wanted to hang again, I said yes when I'm back from an upcoming trip... and then texting faded and we never went out again (i sent the last text). He was a really bland and casual texter.
Guy 2: I went on three dates with. I wrote: 1 date nice enough time, gonna do 2nd date. 2 - nice conversation, don’t like that he asked if I wanted to go “watch something” at the end of the date to invite me back to his, but i did kiss him and it was better than I thought, but I still felt a little weird and unsure on date 3. Date 3 I felt on fence. I said felt more like friends and ended it. ... but maybe I should have given it a few more dates to develop? He also was a creative, and I personally thought his creative work was sort of embarrassing/not my taste at the time, but maybe I should have separated art from artist more.
Guy 3: We went on one date. nice. Not smitten but had fun, not sure if he quite right for me, will see - could have tried second date here, but both traveling, and don’t think this was for me. We texted a bit after, but I was out of town, then he was out of town, and second date never happened. Some of his humor was a little embarrassing but nothing bad. Thought it was sort of odd he told me how much he spends in rent (a lot) on first date. He also could have followed up too?
But now looking back, all three of these guys are engaged to women and getting married. They all seemed like nice guys, who went to good schools, and two of them had good jobs. And maybe I wasn't as engaged with them as I should have been and feel like I sabotaged myself. And I am still so single, and haven't dated anyone more than like, 3 or so months. I'm wondering if maybe these are the sorts of great solid men I missed out on, and I could have been the one marrying them... and I'm not meeting these kinds of nice, solid men anymore at 34 that I was at 30. And I'm like scared I'm going to be alone because of the mistakes I made when I was younger. Do these sound like missed connections? I'm questioning if I'm even a good discerning dater anymore.
[link] [comments]
from Dating Advice https://ift.tt/0uVzeik
via IFTTT
No comments:
Post a Comment