This is more to vent my feelings into somewhere but I’m still not sure how to feel about this situation.
I met this man a few months ago. We liked each other a lot pretty quickly. It was kind of tough to get him to be consistent with me, he has a lot of trauma with his previous marriage (I’m 30f he’s 37m) and he’s super avoidant but I noticed him getting better and opening up. There were small things that bothered me in terms of lack of effort like when I’m over you place I’d like a trash can in the bathroom because I’m a lady. those kind of small things I’d suggest would make me comfortable would never got done. But I still loved spending time with him and none of that was worth dying on a hill for.
There was talk about wanting kids in the future were both at that age but I wanted to start birth control because I didn’t want to chance it happening so soon.
I didn’t wanna tell him about it until it kicked in because I figured it wasn’t relevant information to him until then.
I was in the pill and omg I became crazy. Sobbing every day, hyper sensitive, depressed and extremely combative. Didn’t realize it could get that bad when u are already on antidepressants. And I wasn’t aware it was the birth control doing this until well into the week.
I went over his house and he was telling me about a car he wanted that was expensive (to poke my buttons) and instead of playfully poking back I kinda raged. Saying he should focus on getting a bed frame a trashcan maybe more than one towel. I said the place looks like it belongs to a manchild, not a grown man. And he of course was like “okay you’re being a little judgmental and demanding rn, like who put you in charge of my life” and I was kinda like “you when you made me your girlfriend”.
Like I realize it’s still new and a lot to put on someone off rip. I think I just kinda went off because I really wanted a trashcan I asked a few times and I felt like the effort to make space for a new woman in his life wasn’t there. But instead of saying that I went full crazy on him because of the hormones.
I couldn’t calm down and I was like let me try and go to bed. Lately when I’m over I’d sleep on his chest. He’s been needing both of the pillows he has to prop his back up from a fighting injury (he still trains regardless of the injury). I needed space so i didn’t want sleep on his chest, I took one of the two pillows. He grabbed the pillow I was laying on and was like “I’m sorry I need this” and I said something to the effect of “you’re a fucking jerk, you don’t even care if I’m comfortable” and angrily stormed out of the apartment. He tried to stop me but I was livid and could not regulate.
After that friends and family started noticing my neurosis and I realized the pills were making me way more irritable and unregulated emotionally.
I sent him a couple texts apologizing and saying I really would like to call him/ speak to him/ go see him. And he didn’t answer. Sent me a text last night basically being like “thanks for the apology but I’m all set best of luck”
Kinda breaks my heart because that’s not the person I normally am and there’s no way of him knowing that…Idrk if I wanna send him a whole thing explaining the effects of birthcontrol and I already said what I said and did what I did, but I never would have acted in that fashion normally. But also I gave him so much leeway for his shortcoming and avoidance and trauma triggers and I feel thrown away so easily.
Did the trash take itself out? Would it have made a difference to you if someone did this and then later explained that it was a medication causing their mood to change?
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