I am 20F and he is early 20s M.
I apologise for how messy this post will be. I’m really in my feelings right now. Also I’m on mobile so apologies if it’s formatted wrong or weirdly spaced.
I’ve been thinking for, actually for like two months now, that he’s not interested. But I liked to believe that maybe it’s not his style to text a lot, and he’s just a causal guy. I also need to preface this by saying we were not in a relationship but we spoke for months and we went out a few times and as much as I sometimes didn’t want to admit to myself, I did really like him.
Anyway, tonight I’ve seen stuff on social media that practically confirms to me that he’s into someone else. Cool.
I think the thing that’s getting to me the most is that he’s being jokey and kinda flirty with her, and he didn’t do that with me. He was really sweet, opened up about personal things and we did have some great conversations, but he never acted in a way that confirmed to me that he liked me and now, looking back, I don’t think that he fully did.
He never put any effort in when asking me on a date. It was always last minute and half-planned, which especially irked me as we’d had conversations about how much I like being planned and organised so he knew what I was like and still didn’t go to the effort to plan dates out.
I had to start most of the conversations towards the end, and honestly I feel like he’s too polite to ignore me so how many of them conversations only happened because I wanted to talk and he really wasn’t remotely interested.
I stopped messaging him first two months ago, because I just wanted him to message me first and show that he’s interesting. But he didn’t. So we didn’t speak for a month until I messaged him about something and then we were back to talking. And by talking I mean me messaging him every time I wanted to talk and us having pleasant conversations in which he asks me out again but doesn’t make any actual plans.
I know it’s obvious reading this that he wasn’t interested. I kept thinking that maybe he wasn’t but also maybe he is because he is sweet and he opened up to me and I don’t know? He did ask me out so there must have been some interest. I don’t know. Minimal.
Also I need to point out that I am awkward and it’s possible that whilst he was interested at whatever point, I put him off because of being awkward, due to my lack of dating experience. But then also at times I was put off by his lack of effort, like turning up almost an hour late to a ‘date’. Yeah. Why did I never see how uninterested he was.
I can’t help but feel like if I was prettier, or funnier, or just had a better personality/appearance then he would have put in that effort and I wouldn’t have had to have been guessing these past 7 months if he was actually interested or not. And now I just feel crappy and have wasted half a year having feelings for him.
I guess I just needed to vent and to know how people pick themselves up after feeling like the person you liked never actually liked you. To be honest, did I like him or did I just like what I thought he was like? I’d make excuses to myself for his lateness and lack of messages, and honestly sometimes I didn’t like him. But I still feel like I did have feelings, and this all still feels super not great. Especially with all of the self-isolation.
How can I pick myself up after this? especially as I rarely fancy anyone so I just feel like relationships aren’t going to happen for me. I just wish he was different and had actually liked me, and also hadn’t moved on to someone else now lmao. oh god help me. this is no good for my self-esteem.
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