So long story short, a couple years ago I became friends with this one girl (14F) and we got along well. I began to feel for her a bit, but I didn't think I was mature enough for dating at the time and was perfectly fine being friends.
Fast-forward a year and we got closer, and she began showing possible signs of interest. This somewhat reignited the spark I'd had for her a bite earlier, even though it never necessarily went away. I had sorta learned to forget about it, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I enjoyed the gestures (Compliments, actually initiating conversation, random check-ins if she thinks I'm sad, sharing a couple secrets, and even giving me a gift once) and enjoyed the feeling of being cared about that came with them. We even have a lot of common interests (Writing, reading, acting, etc.) I genuinely began to think she liked me back, and had been preparing my words to ask her out when we can see each other again (I hate texting, but it's a necessity right now).
Before I go on I would like to acknowledge that I know there's a decent chance she doesn't return the feelings, either, and that the gestures above could easily be friendly gestures, since we are good friends. Not only do I have a couple small pieces of evidence to support this (I tend to focus on negative things because of negativity bias), but also she could simply be being friendly.
But then I came across a thread where women were talking about how they hate it when men interpret their friendliness for flirtation, and it opened my eyes. I wasn't exactly well-received in school for the first 12 years of my life, that is until a couple of years ago where people suddenly began to enjoy being around me. I had fallen for her in part because she was one of the few people that seemed to genuinely care about me, but had never thought anything more would be even remotely possible until about 10 months ago.
On top of that, I've convinced myself that I'm becoming a "nice guy". I've been told many times that I'm a nice person, even though I don't really believe it myself. I try to go a little above-and-beyond for people I like, if that makes sense.
But I came across another thread where people were talking about how you shouldn't be friends with someone you like, even if they reject you. Which got me even more concerned. I don't want her to feel used if I ask her, either.
Yes, I had began liking her early in the friendship, but I had held back because I was pretty sure it wasn't mutual and had never given it much thought until last year.
Not only that, I'm nervous this whole thing makes me sexist in some way, something about only seeing women as sexual objects, which I sincerely hope I don't. I feel sexual attraction, yes, but I don't openly express it. Catcallers and people like them can go jump off the grand canyon. One of my biggest fears is being sexist.
Plus, I've been told that introverts and extroverts shouldn't be together, because of "incompatibility". She's an introvert, I consider myself somewhere in the middle, and now I'm nervous that talking to her might make her feel drained or overwhelmed.
The one thing that would hurt more than being turned down would be having her disappear from my life. It would be hard to adjust, but I'd be willing to put myself though it if it means I can keep someone who I consider a good friend in my life.
I would also like to apologize for the fact that this became a rant, and for any grammatical errors. And if this post seems familiar, it's because I've posted here once before. It's something that's been stuck on my mind.
TL;DR: Developing feelings for a friend and now I'm nervous I'm a "nice guy", a misogynist, and a sociopath all at once.
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