i feel like any time im getting too vulnerable or things are too good, i try to find something to justify why it wont work out or why it was too good to be true & i need help
yesterday i self sabotaged by snooping through the accounts this guy im dating follows on insta. it has always made me uncomfortable when ppl follow thirst traps on instagram. it just feels creepy to me so i wanted to somehow make sure he “passed” the creep test that ive made up in my head. it shouldnt even be considered creepy, but idk why my brain thinks it is equivalent to showing someone your porn hub search history
the people he followed were mostly just friends and some artists so i was feeling more calm about everything until i scrolled to the bottom and clicked a random girl account and saw she had a lot of half naked and seductive photos of herself. her body is literally chiseled & perfect. she’s hot af
and then this is when i spiraled. i was really upset & embarrassed at myself for snooping i basically went looking for something that was going to hurt me and i found it
logically i know that it shouldnt be a big deal. im also attracted to and acknowledge there are beautiful people / bodies in the world
he isnt following her to hurt me & that doesnt make his feelings for me not true
i know all of that but still why cant i believe it fully? i know how im supposed to handle this but my feelings are different and i dont know how to get over it
it would be insane of me to ask him to unfollow the account bc that wont solve anything. it wont suddenly make me less insecure. in my head im like i wish he never followed her in the first place so i didnt have to know hes not a perfect guy in my made up standards and that is not healthy thinking at all. hes not the one causing me to be insecure. i have always been and this is just triggering it up again full force
i want to learn to re-wire my brain because i fear it is influencing the way i feel about the guy im dating and that isnt fair. i can feel myself ready to push him away and thatll ruin everything. i feel really sad and messed up right now and im scared im about to ruin a good thing from these insecurities and i hate it.
i would really appreciate any advice on how to stop thinking this way and become less insecure.
tl;dr - has anyone had social media interfere with their dating life? how did you handle it? how did you become more secure if youve been an insecure person most of your life?
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