This is something I’ve (33M) always struggled with. I’ve been told to go up to women start talking to them at bars or what not. The problem is I virtually never see a woman by herself in a public place. She’s almost always with her friends or another guy, and I just assumed she wouldn’t want some random guy butting into her conversation.
Then I went to a singles event mixer last weekend, and it challenged my perspective. I started talking to this girl, and it felt like we were hitting it off talking one on one for several minutes. Then as I’m talking to her this other guy, who I guess she was talking to earlier immediately comes up to her, asks for her number and starts speaking to her in Portuguese. I guess they had spoken to her earlier in the evening and had established some sort of connection about both speaking Portuguese. Her energy totally shifted from me to him, and I felt left out, so I walked away. Later on in the night I saw his arm around hers.
At first I was annoyed. It felt like the guy railroaded me, and was rude. Like I was talking to her, wait your turn man! Then I thought about it more. At the end of the day she chose to shift her energy to him. She liked him more. She could’ve kept talking to me. I don’t know this guy. He doesn’t owe me anything.
If we’re being honest, I would not have been the kind of dude that would’ve had the confidence or courage to go up to a girl when she is already chatting with a dude, and start hitting on her. Maybe it’s because I was taught it’s rude. Maybe it’s because I would assume she’d be annoyed or he’s get pissed off. So instead of being angry I’m just curious now?
What do you all think? Am I too scared of social blowback? How do I overcome the fear they are going to be annoyed with me?
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