Me (22M) and her (21F) first met at the bar/club around a month ago. We clicked well, danced and talked until 9AM. Since then we still seem to get along well and have gone on multiple dates. We both have decided to take it slow since none of us want anything meaningless and are only looking for long-term. I really like her, she seems to like me and all is well but …
Last week on Tuesday we had one great date. Then she told me she will come over Wednesday and Thursday as well. Both dates were canceled by her. Then I told her politely to suggest a time on her own. She said Monday after work and I said that works.
Well Monday came and I was quite excited for the date. I even wrote her a poem and really wanted to share it. Nothing crazy romantic. More like cute & goofy vibes with inside jokes and stuff like that. And she was supposed to arrive at like past 10PM. It was 10:40 and I wrote to her if she is coming and she said I had such a stressful day and is already home. I'm sorry.
Well, it goes without saying that it didn't sit well with me and I sent her an audio expressing that. Politely saying that the cancellation of dates and not letting me know that u are not coming is something that rubs me the wrong way. Not respecting my time and effort and such.
She apologised and said sorry that I am this way. She said that some days she just wants to be completely alone and even if her best friend wants to do something she will say no. And pretty some other mental stuff she is struggling with (past trauma, managing her emotions and stuff). The point was “it's not you - you are really really great guy. I haven't met a guy like you in a long time. It's me”. She also mentioned that with guys she first sees them a lot and then she kinda puts ger shield up and just doesn't see them a lot anymore, because she is either not sure in them or herself. She didn't know why exactly she has this behaviour.
And this week we have had some good convos but meeting f2f never happened. I asked on Thursday if she is free on Friday and she said no. I mean nothing too red flaggy with that cancelation.
But yeah, it's just that I don't know what to do. When I talk to her and especially when I see f2f it's obvious she likes me from the way she looks at me, smiles, the way we kiss etc etc. I even point blank asked her after a party if she likes me and she said yes xd. But this recent behaviour has me doubting myself. If I look at this from a pure rational point of view (homo economicus) then it seems like I should leave this chick alone and she is not interested but my emotions just say otherwise.
So, should I give her some space and not initiate a convo and wait for her to initiate? Or should I write her some long message to get clarity? It's hard for me to operate with this much uncertainty.
Some other stuff to mention: she quite recently (4-5 months ago) got broken up with from her bf of 4 years. The bf thought that he wasn't good enough for her, which is a pretty heavy reason to break up … I, however, have not been in a romantic relationship in 3 years. Second thing, in February I am very likely to go on an exchange semester to another country in Europe. That also makes things complicated.
I am totally clueless, I dont know shit.
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