I have always felt as though you ought to be somebody's equal in order to stand a reasonable chance when asking them out. In other words, for a man to have a shot with a woman, he would need to:
• Earn an income that is equal to or greater than what she makes (or have prospects of earning equal to or greater than what she makes in the not-too-distant future)
• Be of equal or greater conventional attractiveness
• Weigh as much as her or less
• Dress at least as well as she does, on an equally consistent basis as her (if not more often); don't bother asking somebody out if they're all dressed up and you're wearing a T-shirt and jeans
• Be as socially adept as she is—preferably more so, in fact
• On a more intimate level, he needs to have a sex drive that is equal to or greater than hers, and he needs to be at least as kinky as she is; also, at a bare minimum, he should be as experienced as her
I disregard things like kindness, sensitivity, supportiveness, a sense of humor, honesty, etc. Personality traits are of no tangible value, and are a baseline expectation that every man ought to fulfill. The presence of altruistic qualities does not help to set anyone apart from the crowd.
I have always believed this—and as a result, at 28 years old, I have never actually gone on an actual date with anyone before, let alone had my first kiss or anything beyond. I'm currently on disability for inattentive ADHD and depression, but I also do paid assignments for one of my relatives on the side and an working hard at overcoming my disabilities. I have yet to pursue post-secondary education, I'm slightly over the line of obesity (though working to lose the extra pounds), and I don't consider myself to be a conventionally attractive person. Suffice it to say, I'm not going to be good enough for the vast majority of women.
Every time I find myself attracted to anyone, I measure myself based on the aforementioned standard: am I her equal? For instance, is she wearing a dress and high heels while I'm wearing a band T-shirt and jeans? Don't bother—she's not interested, and even if she were, I wouldn't be able to fulfill the role of her ideal partner in the long-term anyways. Is she starting her career or in post-secondary while I'm just trying to make ends meet on disability? Yeah, no—she has no use for an unambitious person like me. Is she in the same socioeconomic situation as me, but in better shape and I find her to be attractive? Either I work on my presentation or it's a non-starter.
Is my mindset correct? Do I have to equal the person I want to date before I even consider asking them out? Honestly, I just wish I were worthy of experiencing intimacy with someone. Why is it that everyone else is allowed to experience romantic love, yet I can't? And when I even entertain the notion of asking a woman on a date, it feels wrong, like finding a partner is not supposed to be a "priority" in a person's life?
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