A couple days a go I was making out with the girl I've been seeing for a few months now and so far we have made out and touched each other with our clothes on.
Previously I made one advance to move to 2nd base and she moved my hand away so I respected that boundary. At the time, I just wish she would have said she wasn't comfortable rather than forcing my hand away (I would have of course moved my hand away).
Recently I tried grabbing her butt under her jeans and she kind of bit my lip while we were kissing. I then pulled my hand back and asked if she was okay and everything was okay, she said yes so we went back to kissing and I again put my hand in her jeans (because I assumed she would have said she wasn't comfortable just a second earlier after I asked) and she bit my lip even harder and at this she explicitly said that I don't get to touch her there.
I'm still processing it and trying to figure out what I should have done differently here. Should I have asked for consent even before trying (though lots of people say this kills the mood)? On the other hand it's not like she asks before touching me. I asked explicitly before our first kiss and it kind of killed the mood. Although of course I respected her boundary, I now feel that I don't even want to make any moves without explicitly asked out of the fear of being harshly rejected (even when I asked, she said she was fine).
I really would have just expected that she would tell me if she was uncomfortable with moving that fast, rather than forcing my hand away or biting my lip. Rather than saying "you don't get to touch me there" I would have preferred something like "I'm not comfortable with that" or something that didn't sound like I am some stranger trying to grope her.
Unfortunately it's really killed the mood of the whole thing for to the point where I'm not even looking forward to our next hangout (maybe Pavlovian conditioning? 😂) Appreciate any perspective/advice!
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