So, I do not feel like typing all of this out but long story short my BF and I have been in a long term relationship and he is uncertain about marriage. But, so am I? It was not until recently that being with him in a relationship for 5 years (and we have known each other and been good friends for 11 years! Especially in college) that I have come to a realization that I actually would spend my life with this person. But, I had a horrible experience growing up with my parents toxic relationship and they recently divorced, which they should have done when I was a child, but all is going well now in my life at the age of 27. His parents love each other very much but his sister sort of tainted the idea of marriage when she cheated about 4 years ago and ruptured his extremely judging-Christian family (We both grew up very Christian and do NOT believe in such things at all anymore but have to put on a front whenever around his family). In the past, we talked about marriage and both agreed we were not for the idea of it, we were both cool where we were and there is no point to it other than legality and taxes. Recently, I have come to realize that with him I trust him so much and love him that I would like to have him as my life partner and friend. But when I told him how my feelings have changed about marriage and I could actually want him as my husband (this took a lot for me cause I am scared of rejection and my parents marriage scarred me) he was shocked, which I expected and felt bad cause he never knew, never thought of the idea himself at all and since I brought it up he has since talked about what I said and that was this past weekend... we are very open to each other and he has sort of high anxiety and I'm just happy I finally got it off my chest but... my issue is, sometimes I feel like I am getting too old and might be wasting my time cause he has never once brought up the idea of marrying me (I thought maybe at one point if he liked me so much he would have thought of it once) and also to be frank, if we break up I am getting into an age pool where it is getting harder to date, settle down and even have children
Thoughts please, experience stories, better ideas of expressing ones-self and anything else is appreciated. We have a great relationship but.... I can't tell if I am still dating an immature friend or someone who is just not thoughtful / scared??? Or I am being stupidly selfish.
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