Apparently there are rules to dating? I've just been my whole self on every date, I didn't know there were certain rules to follow.
I was telling my mom about THE most wonderful date I had the other night. We talked nonstop the whole time (yes, him AND I, it was equal air time) and I thought we'd hit it off magically! I texted him when I got home like he'd asked me to, and asked if he'd made it home safely. No response that night or the next morning, so I message him again around 1pm like "bro did you die?" Eventually he got back to me, but hasn't responded since. I've been left on delivered for a whole 24 hours. So my mom tells me, "didn't you know you're not supposed to text a person more than once after the first date? He probably thinks you're too clingy now." ... WHAT?!
Apparently I'm not up to date on these dating rules.. what else am I doing wrong? I've been on like 30 dates in the past 6 months. 90% of the time it's me that doesn't have the feelings, but you know I'm gonna tell the person like "hey I had a great time but I just didn't have those feelings with you, let's be friends?" or whatever, I don't just leave them on delivered forever. That's kind of cruel, isn't it? However, that 10% where I can legitimately see myself with this person, the 10% that gets my heart rate up in a nice way and makes me feel good about just being me, the 10% that also doesn't like me back in the ways I like them, I'd say maybe 2% out of that 10% has the decency to tell me they aren't feeling it, and of course that's totally fine! People can't help how they feel! But that other 8%? Is it really that hard to just tell a person you're not feeling it?
My mom says I shouldn't be my whole self on the first date. I'll admit, I'm kind of an acquired taste; I'm a messy eater, I make slightly inappropriate jokes, and sometimes I laugh a little too loud.. but I've never felt embarrassed about being myself with people. Sometimes I'll say the wrong thing and I absolutely know that I said the wrong thing.. but in my most recent, unsuccessful dating experiences, I had the impression that we both had a grand time!
This was my mom's advice: "Be the hard-to-get, high maintenance princess, and reveal your "bro" side once they've fought for and earned you. They'll appreciate it more if they had to work for it. If you're a bro right off the bat, they'll feel like they don't have to try, so they won't."
Here's my thing. I think I'm very niche. I'm very low maintenance, I'm communicative about my feelings (and work to be on the same page about theirs), and I respond to messages within a reasonable amount of time. I don't let people pay for me on dates (I've been told I'm difficult for this) and I don't let people win at games. That 90% that I mentioned earlier, they love these aspects (maybe minus my refusal to let them pay for me), so why is it that the 10% that I like back, don't? Why do I only like the people who don't like me back? Why can't it ever be mutual?
So here it is, I guess. My big question: what do I need to do differently to keep these people interested in me, while also being myself? What am I doing wrong?
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