Hi, this is my first time posting here. So I (26F) divorced my ex in October 2019 and am now a single mother to a little three year old boy.
I was mostly able to get over my ex and process my feelings of it from the time I filed to signing the papers, so I felt comfortable enough to consider talking to guys again. For the most part though, it was really hard for me (and still is) to start the conversation and sometimes harder to keep the conversation going. Most of the time, I’d apologize for being bad at communicating or taking awhile to respond because I do have a lot going on outside of my phone most days since I have my son full-time. At two different points last year, there were 2 guys that I actually talked to for a few months. One of them I couldn’t see a future with because he had no drive in life and was fine with where he is. Which is fine, but not the type of person I want to be with. The other was very clingy and pushy to hangout, hookup, etc. even when I’ve said before that’s not what I’m looking for, I don’t have time, or what have you. That guy was a friend before, but after the last time he asked for a hookup I haven’t spoken to him. Both of these times I had a really hard time trying to actually open up to either of them or allow myself to develop feelings, or stay around long enough for it to happen.
In the last month or so, I started going back on dating apps and matched with this one guy. He looked familiar and it turns out we’ve actually been Facebook friends for a few years with a few mutual friends and we follow each other on Instagram already. So we started talking on the app and he gave me his number shortly after. We don’t text too much throughout the day because we both have things going on, but the conversations we do have are always nice and we do have quite a lot in common. He asked me out on a date shortly after restaurants opened back up, and honestly I think it was the first real date I’ve been on and truly enjoyed. At the end, he asked if I wanted to hangout with him at home for a bit, but i had to get back to my child and I was so happy he was understanding of that. He was just so polite the whole time. He walked me to my car, asked if it was okay to give me a hug, and even asked if it was okay to kiss me. A few days later, he asked if he could take me out again. I told him I’d have to see if I could have my son be watched because I normally don’t ask for him to be unless I have to work. The day after, he said he realized Sunday was Valentine’s Day and asked if he could take me out for that. I was able to have my son be watched and he picked me up from my house. He surprised me with Reese’s hearts and flowers. I was really happy with it because a) I only mentioned briefly Reese’s are my favorite candy and b) I’ve never really celebrated Valentine’s Day with a guy before, not even my ex though we were together 5/6 years. We had a really good time and I would like to see him again.
My biggest issue though is I’m scared I won’t really let myself open up again, even though I currently want to. I wanted to cancel the second date all the way up until 2 hours beforehand when I was starting to get ready because I was nervous and sometimes scared of getting close to someone again. I don’t even know how to fix that or overcome that fear or boundary I’ve created for myself.
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