I [23M] have seen some posts on here recently about how people are fed up with those that choose to date or talk to multiple people at the same time. I am one of those individuals who do that and I am going to try to play devils advocate here. Hear me out and please feel free to offer advice, opinions, and anything else you might want.
First of all: I want to get past the stigma and the negative connotations that I’m just in it to “hook up”. I don’t date to hook up. I don’t like when girls accuse me of this without first asking me my intentions, or getting to know me. I date for connection. I like to have an emotional and physical connection with the people I spend my time with. I love romance. I like going on dates with new people, learning about them, and seeing if we have anything in common. I like asking girls out to dinner, being a gentleman, flirting, foreplay, attempting to woo her. All of it. I enjoy it. I’m not in it strictly to get into your pants. If things escalate, and there’s some intimacy involved, that’s great! Good for both of us! If you’re the type of person that absolutely will only be intimate with someone you are in a relationship with, I will 100% respect your wishes and never push you any further than you want to go.
Second: I will make my intentions clear and I will be honest with you as early in the dating process as I can. Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship, romantic or not. I will inform you that no, I am not looking for any long term commitment at the time and if that is a dealbreaker for you, I respect your decision to immediately walk away.
Third: please understand that my decision to casually date around with no intention of commitment has NOTHING to do with you as a person. You have value. You have worth. The fact that I don’t want to start a relationship with you has no affect on that. Stay true to your authentic self and don’t let others change who you are based on the idea that you mean something more if you are desired by someone. Fuck that. You mean something more because you are a living human being with countless positive qualities, and loving friends and family.
Fourth: relationships are work. A lot of fucking work. I have been in serious, long term relationships and this fact is always true. At this point in my life, I don’t have the time, nor the energy to give my all to a partner who deserves my all. Does this mean I’m doomed to put my romance life on hold until I’m ready for that? Why should I be? Don’t I also deserve to find happiness in romance, intimacy, and emotional connection?
Fifth: If there comes a time where I do want a relationship with someone, I will make it known. I realize the hypocrisy of this statement and realize that I am swinging a double-edged sword here. Just because I date around doesn’t make me immune to feelings and emotion. I am ok with taking the pain that may come with this. Someone might be my cup of tea, but I might not be theirs. THATS OK. I will roll with the punches and move along.
Sixth: dating is a numbers game. What are the odds you pick the right person to have a long term commitment with on the very first try? It’s almost nil. There are 7.5 billion people on this earth. If you only prefer 1 gender, that narrows it down to 3.75 billion.... that is still massive. Relax. They are out there. I may not be it. You may not be it. That’s ok.
If we all communicate and be honest with each other, we can all have a positive, meaningful dating experience. Yes there will be heartbreaks and ups and downs, but those are inevitable.
I am open to any advice, opinions, comments, or insights. If you wanna rip me to shreds, go for it.
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