I (30F) have been seeing someone (27M) for a couple of weeks now and I'm already losing interest. He's been very good to me so far, but, if I'm being honest, he is starting to get on my nerves a bit and I am losing interest in him. Overall, he is a really nice guy (not a "nice guy") but little things are just starting to annoy me. I do like him but I'm finding I don't really enjoy spending extended amounts of time with him.
I struggle with some mental health issues and everyone, no matter who it is or how much I love them, annoys me greatly at some point. I'm someone who really needs my space and just wants to be alone sometimes. I also have other problems, trust issues and all that fun stuff, that make it very hard to get close to people. So I've been trying to be more aware of those problems and how they make relationships difficult, and am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt rather than just write him off because some things he does annoys me. At the same time though...I don't really feel like one should have to convince themselves that they want to spend time with someone. I don't want to get serious in a relationship where every day I have to remind myself why I am in a relationship with them, if that makes sense.
It seems the obvious answer is to end the relationship but the hard part is that he does a lot for me. I don't say this as in, it's hard to break up with him because I want to take advantage of him. It's more like, his actions show that he is devoted and considerate of my wants and needs in a relationship. Sometimes I feel like I write people off too quickly, erase people from my life even if they would have made a great partner because of some irk or insecurity I feel. It makes me question....are they really not right for me, or am I convincing myself they're not because I don't want to deal with the realities of being in a relationship?
I dunno. I feel like I'm being a bitch because he has been so good to me, but it's things like....for example, we were watching a movie that he had seen before and at the start he said "you have to really pay attention to this one" and then proceeded to talk the entire time. The only compliment he really gives is "you're beautiful" which is appreciated, but it also makes me feel like he is only interested in me for the physical aspect of things. But I also feel bad for thinking that because I know giving compliments is hard. I just wish he'd find something to compliment other than my appearance. The other night we were playing a game and he said that I "fixed the crisis" of him not having a girlfriend, which kind of made me feel like that's all I am to him: a girlfriend. It was in response to a question in the game about a "family crisis" and he has said before that his mom was always nagging him to get a girlfriend so maybe he was thinking in that context but still, it just doesn't sit right with me to get the impression that I'm just a warm body to fill a role in his life.
Sorry for the rambling. As I said, I do like him as a person but I don't know if I could picture spending my life with him. I know love isn't instantaneous and I'm never going to fall in love if I don't give people a chance, but at what point do you accept that you're not going to grow to love someone? Nobody is going to be perfect and everyone is going to annoy you eventually, but how do you know if they're worth it? Because I would rather be alone the rest of my life than repeat the types of relationships I've been in. I don't want to force something "because they're good for me" if I'm not feeling it.
TL,DR: Have been seeing a guy for a few weeks now and I like him, but I don't think I like him enough to want to continue a relationship. The problem is that he's been a great partner overall, and I'm not sure if I'm just being "picky" due to mental health issues/bad relationships in the past or if there is really no future between us.
Edit: just want to reiterate that the "he does a lot for me" is not meant as in "I don't want to leave him because I want the benefits of him doing nice things for me". It's more like, he's shown to be a caring partner and it's hard to look at someone so kind and generous, and these are two traits I greatly value in a partner. I want someone who cares about others as much as they care about themselves.
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