The guy is a childhood acquaintance of mine who’s relentlessly pursued me for 15+ years. Our childhood homes aren’t far from each other, and I’ve told him at least 10 times over the years that I only want friendship. He didn’t give up though. And over the years, his parents and mine started to get to know each other.
I left the state for college and didn’t return to my childhood town for 6 years. During those years, he lived at home and after I came back, he started visiting me again. He tried multiple times to ask me to be his gf, but I refused every time because even though he can be nice, I have zero attraction to his personality or appearance. Still, he said he was OK with being friends and started pursuing other women. I finally relented last month because my parents talked to his about an arranged marriage, but I still don’t like him even though he HAS gotten a real job in the past few months.
He left town to get a master’s degree and is now making a little bit more than me in nyc ($120k), but his ego has been off the charts ever since he graduated 6 months ago and got a job. He’s said a few times that I am unambitious for not having pursued a career on Wall Street and only make $105k (which I think is AWESOME given that I work remotely, live in MCOL town and never work overtime) and I have no student loans from undergrad or a master’s degree (he has $250k in student loan debt).
I have a temporary physical disability after having torn a tendon in my ankle 1.5 years ago and still can’t walk. It’s become chronic and might become a permanent thing, so it’s negatively impacted my self esteem.
Growing up, I was always out of his league and I feel so low that I’m settling for this guy. What’s worse is that yesterday, he mentioned that his sister has high dating standards for partners (she’s pursuing a Harvard-educated surgeon) unlike him or me.
For some reason, it made me feel so incredibly low that he insinuated that we’re both settling for each other. Despite my ankle situation, I still think I’m much better looking than him (and I’m overall average) and that I can’t tolerate his massive ego anymore. Now he knocks on my door even when I tell him to NOT VISIT and he thinks he’s more successful than me because he makes $20k more per year than me and lives in nyc. He talks about his job all the time and as soon as I mention mine, his eyes glaze over.
What I’ve never told him/rarely mention to him is that in addition to my home equity/401k/investments/savings, I have $300k. And I feel so angry that I have to sit there and hear him mansplain his job, how successful he is now he is renting an apartment in nyc, how he’s going to buy a house someday, etc when he has a NEGATIVE NET WORTH of $250k.
I let him hold my hand for the first time last week. And I have no motivation to kiss him or touch him. But my parents are really pushing this because he’s a “good guy”. It really hurts to hear this guy say he thinks he has lower dating standards than his sister when I think I’m out of his league. He seems to think he’s out of my league now that he has a job and has lost weight.
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