So I am 16M, and have some sexual trauma involving men online so for some reason I can never have good, healthy, emotional friendships with other men. I can be an acquaintance and be friendly towards them, but being their close friend just weirds me out because of the trauma I had. I can't really trust them as much as women. So most of my close friends are women. I am also straight.
I can't help but feel like a creep because most of my friends are women, because I might be slightly romantically (not sexually) attracted to them and would be in a relationship given the chance, but that's not WHY I'm their friend. For me, hanging out with a good friend that's a girl alone, or calling them, or playing games with them, or emotionally supporting them, makes me feel so happy. I can't tell what is romantic and what is platonic. Part of me feels like a creep because I might be romantically enjoying my time with them and would definitely act less platonically intimate if I knew they had a boyfriend to avoid scandal.
Is being in a close, platonically intimate friendship with a girl creepy? For some reason, I enjoy being friends to people I'm romantically attracted to, not for the chance of becoming her boyfriend, but because I genuinely enjoy spending time with them, it's more exciting for me. Is this a bad thing? For the record, none of this is sexual at all.
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