Ok, this is going to be complicated with many layers but bear with me pls.
Story Time: I started seeing this girl back in February. We met on a dating app. Our first date was unique and magical from beginning to end. The start of our date was funny because she was having a mini crisis with a smoke detector at her apartment which i wound up coming over to fix. Afterwards we went to a barcade and talked and played games for 6 hours until the bar closed. We ended the night blasting music in my car and kissing...alot.
I've dated a lot of people and have been in a 7 year relationship; so I don't feel like I am exaggerating when I tell you that the chemistry between us was through the roof. Especially on the first kiss.
I wound up seeing this girl again a few days later on Valentine's day, and consistently multiple times a week from that point forward. (In hindsight, we were smothering eachother just a bit.) Despite our chemistry and a very strong romantic and sexual connection there was one critical circumstance that was worrisome for me - This girl had just gotten out of a long term relationship less than a month ago when we first met. Due to this we knew we needed to take things SLOW. But also...we couldn't help but spend time with eachother often.
(Around March-ish) As we continued seeing eachother things started to get complicated. The best way i can describe the issue is - we have this unexpected strong connection and chemistry, but we met too soon because she shouldn't be jumping back into a relationship so fast. As part of this dynamic, we both acknowledged that we were both still single and should both still be free to go on dates if we want to. In practice, we both wound up being very jealous about the idea of eachother going on dates.
(Mid March) We reached a point where we didn't know how to move forward with our situation, so we decided to be exclusive and started a relationship despite our worries about it being too soon. This relationship lasted like 2 weeks before it was too overwhelming. We decided to go back to being single but wanted to keep seeing eachother as a FWB/situationship.
This was also confusing because we still had insane chemistry and a really strong connection. The type of connection where you have deep conversations until 4 in the morning and you feel comfortable talking about anything. It was immediately obvious for both of us that the idea of either of us going on even super casual first dates was stressful. However we were locked into this weird space of circumstantially not being able to be together as a relationship, but emotionally being pulled together anyways.
(Mid April) It became too difficult to continue on in this state of complexity so I suggested that we take a break and give ourselves some time to think. She had a planned vacation so that seemed like the perfect opportunity to go no contact while we figure things out. We came to an agreement that we wouldn't talk or text during the trip and may continue not talking or texting for a while after she got back too. Essentially, leaving things on a note that "if we're meant to be together we'll find eachother again in the future". This was a chance to reset and start fresh in the future IF we decide to.
(End of April) In the final week before her trip we had a lot of very deep conversations about life and us and also went on some cute dates and made memories that brought us closer. However, we both knew that after this trip we might not see eachother anymore because ultimately she needs time to be single and independent and I need time to think about what will be best for me. The night before her trip was bittersweet, it very much felt like we were both doing something that we didn't want to do, that we were being forced to separate due to circumstance, but going through with it nonetheless. We also acknowledged that despite everything we've been through that we've basically been dating for 3 months.
(This week) Fast forward. She went on her trip and just got back yesterday. We did not contact eachother during the trip and have not yet communicated.
I went on one date this week, and have been active on the apps again, mostly trying to be open minded to the possibility of other connections. However, I've been thinking about this girl the whole time and my heart tells me I want to be with her.
Reflection: After reflecting for the past week I have realized a few things.
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I genuinely have very strong feelings for this girl. I've dated for more than a year since the end of my previous long term relationship and I KNOW that connections this strong are special.
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I can move on if I need to. It will be painful, I'll be sad, but I will ultimately be okay and there are other connections out there. It may just take some time and some healing. I may be happier in the long run if I form a connection with someone that's already in the mindset of wanting to be in a serious relationship.
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I am a romantic to my core. I am inclined to follow my heart even if it puts me at risk of being hurt. I believe that despite challenging circumstances, that the connection I have with this girl is something worth fighting for. I am not the type of person to leave myself wondering - "what if?"
Advice: I want to get the timing right on this. I want to be romantic but not overwhelming. This girl is amazing and up until the very last time we hung out she has been saying that she'll miss me and that she doesn't want to let go of me.
She is back now and I want to give her the space that she deserves to think and settle back into her routine. She also has an avoidant attachment style so it is important to me that I respect her independence and do my part to allow us to properly "reset". I also know that because she has this attachment style that to a degree she probably does want me to pursue and give her reassurance that I'm not giving up on us. I 1000% suspect that she is leaving the ball in my court despite how strongly she may feel about me. That's just how she is.
I am torn on how much space I should give this girl before I reach out to her again. How long does a reset take? It didn't feel like either of us wanted to separate but we were just circumstantially overwhelmed and needing some time apart to think and gain clarity about what we want. I know that I want to keep our connection and spark alive and that I want to try and be with this girl.
I was thinking about giving her most of next week and then calling her and asking her to go out on Friday night for a suprise activity date.
Thank you for reading. Happy to answer any questions ❤️
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