Tl;dr
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a little over a month and a half, and recently I found out that during our talking phase she was consistently sleeping with another guy — something I had absolutely no idea about. It’s honestly thrown my whole perception of her and the relationship into a tailspin.
When we were talking for those months, things felt serious to me. We talked every day, made plans every week, and whenever we were together it genuinely felt like we were building something real. From my perspective, it felt like we had an unspoken understanding that we were basically exclusive already.
At one point during the talking stage, I actually asked her to be exclusive. She hesitated, which completely caught me off guard. She said she didn’t feel like I had been consistent enough and brought up a few things I disagreed with, but I just accepted it and moved forward.
During that conversation, I asked her if she had been seeing other people to which she replied no. I told her that while I respected her answer, I was surprised because the connection we had made me feel like exclusivity was already implied. That conversation honestly made me take a step back a bit at the time.
Fast forward: after talking for around 9 months, we officially started dating. Then, about a month into the relationship, I found out she had actually been seeing and sleeping with another guy during that entire period. Like, she could see me on Monday and then go sleep with him on Wednesday.
What hurt even more were specific situations I now look at differently. On my birthday, we had dinner plans, but I got stuck in traffic and had to cancel. That same night, she went to his house and slept with him. On her birthday, I tried to see her, but she told me she was staying in after a long day — meanwhile she was with him.
Even two months before we officially dated, he was still texting her vulgar stuff and asking for nudes. She didn’t really engage, but she also didn’t fully shut it down either.
Now I’m sitting here questioning everything and wondering if I’m overreacting or if this is actually as shitty as it feels. Technically we weren’t officially exclusive, but emotionally it feels hard to process because of how serious and relationship-like everything already was between us.
Am I being dramatic, or does this seem genuinely concerning?
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