I’m in a serious relationship and we are actively discussing marriage and children.
I’m originally from Pakistan, currently living in Finland. My partner is Finnish (Russian background). In most areas, we are compatible and aligned on life plans.
However, there is one major issue I’m trying to understand better from a long-term perspective.
He has made it very clear that he does not want to visit Pakistan. This is not uncertainty or delay. He says he is about 95% sure he will never go there under any circumstances. At the same time, he has said he would not stop our future children from visiting my family or country with me, but he would not join them.
We are planning to have children in the future, so this is not a theoretical issue for us.
For context:
I would still travel to Pakistan occasionally to see my family
My family is an important part of my identity and life
He is otherwise supportive and does not restrict my travel
The expectation is that children could visit Pakistan with me, but he would stay in Finland
He does not want to be involved in that side of my family life physically
I’m not trying to force him to change his mind. I’m trying to understand whether this kind of permanent boundary is sustainable in a marriage where children are involved.
My questions:
In intercultural marriages, how common is it for one partner to completely opt out of the other partner’s home country?
Does this create long-term emotional distance or resentment in practice?
Is it realistic to raise children where one parent is fully disconnected from one cultural/family system?
For those who have experienced something similar, did it work long-term or create issues later?
I would really appreciate honest experiences from people who have lived this, not just theory.
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