I (27F) have been talking to a guy (38M) for several months, and I'm struggling to figure out whether I'm ignoring red flags or overthinking things.
For context, I live in a small town where a lot of people know of each other or have mutual connections. Before he and I started talking, he had messaged both my cousin and my aunt on social media. Nothing serious ever came from either situation.
My cousin has lived about 3 hours away in another for 4 plus years, but we're originally from the same hometown and still have a lot of mutual friends and social media connections. My aunt and he went to the same high school, although they never actually talked or had any type of relationship. It's one of those small-town situations where people often know of each other or have mutual connections.
He says he didn't know they were related to me when he messaged them, or even to each other which is believable. Still, finding out that he had previously messaged both my cousin and my aunt made me uncomfortable.
Another thing that gives me pause is his social media behavior. He follows a lot of women and has a history of liking multiple women's photos on Instagram. I've even caught him commenting on another women's IG story right in front of me. when i confronted him he apologized and said "its social media, i just like photos. nothing more. but it wont happen again". I still felt very disrespected & sometimes makes me question whether he's genuinely looking for a serious relationship. even thought he claims that he is and that I'm his only focus.
We've been talking for several months and communicate regularly by text. We have gone on two actual dates, but both required driving out of town because there honestly isn't much to do where we live. Most restaurants, attractions, and activities are 45 minutes to a few hours away. Other than those dates, we've mostly spent time together at each other's homes.
One thing I struggle with is that we don't see each other very often. He works 12-hour shifts on a rotating schedule, and I work a traditional Monday-Friday schedule. Because of that, we sometimes only see each other every couple of weeks.
My therapist thinks the combination of him previously messaging my cousin and aunt, his social media habits, and the slow progression of our relationship are red flags. Part of me wonders if that's unfair given the small-town dynamics and our schedules.
Would you be uncomfortable dating someone who had previously messaged both your cousin and your aunt before meeting you? Do the social media behavior and slow progression seem concerning, or am I overthinking a situation that could be explained by our circumstances?
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